


Hot Tears

by Ieavethecity



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Child Abuse, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Abuse, it’s not incredibly graphic but it is very emotional, neil is- to put it lightly- a gross fucking asshole, please don’t read this if it will trigger / offend you, slight PTSD, slight guilt, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 38,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23742091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ieavethecity/pseuds/Ieavethecity
Summary: Max Mayfield has been dealing with her abusive Step-Father for far too long.
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, Neil Hargrove/Maxine "Max" Mayfield, elmax
Comments: 99
Kudos: 153





	1. the truth is out there

**Author's Note:**

> this is a very dark concept. it has referenced sexual abuse, child abuse, and i am sure it will trigger some. p l e a s e do not read this if it will trigger you or negatively affect you in any way !! seriously !! if you are a victim of sexual assault, know you can tell someone. for me personally, writing is an outlet. this is not me attempting to romanticize sexual assault or child abuse. please understand that.

Summer air flowed through an opened window, laced with the sounds of chirping crickets and singing birds that filled the outside air. The clouds were dark and low, pregnant looking with a soon-to-come storm.

Max kicked her blanket from her body, cursing her mother under her breath for her mom's refusal to turn on the air conditioning. She pulled the t-shirt that desperately clung to her body away from her, sighing deeply. She couldn't fall back asleep after that, not that she'd really even been sleeping much before that.

Flopping over, she turned to her clock on her nightstand.  _ 9:23 AM. _ Max's blue-eyed gaze starred at the alarm clock. Under her eyes hung soft plum colored crescents. Strands of copper hair wildly covered her face. She sat up slowly, stretching carefully until she heard her back and neck crack.

It happened again last night. 

Max slowly swung her slightly bruised legs off the bed, feet touching the cold ground below. She chewed her bottom lip a moment. She felt empty. Numb. She  _ wanted _ to feel something- anger, sadness, fucking fear, ANYTHING. But instead, she felt nothing. Nothingness felt worse. It made her want to crawl out of her own skin.

Sometimes she felt nothingness. Other times she felt fucking pure rage. And then, there were the times she felt fear. Mostly, she felt fear late at night when she heard someone walk past the door. She could only memorize footsteps so well and that would only prepare her so much

She slowly stood up, heading into her small bathroom, feet pressed against the cold white tile below. She looked at herself in the mirror, frowning slightly. She could hardly recognize herself. 

Messy hair, slightly swollen eyes, dark bags, and chapped lips. She slowly brought her hand up to her chest, tracing the light bruise that hung to her collarbone, hardly visible from the neck of her shirt. It made her cringe slightly

She removed her clothing before turning the shower on. She almost didn't want to look into the mirror, knowing exactly what she'd see... But she couldn't help herself. She looked into the mirror. Against her milky skin, she saw more bruises. 

There was one on her ribs, another on her thigh, and a rather dark one on her upper arm. Looking at them made her stomach twist.  _ He'd been there.  _

She pulled her eyes away from the mirror, getting into the hot shower. The water hit her skin and made her hiss softly- but she did not turn it off. It was something. 

She scrubbed her skin until it was red and raw, until the water softly stung as it washed away the soap. 

The shower ended with freezing cold water, a complete shock to Max's system, one that left her shivering slightly as she wrapped her body in a towel. 

She walked from the bathroom, looking at the messy bed.  _ He'd been there too. _

Max chewed on the inside of her cheek until it bled. She looked away, getting dressed in a pair of jean shorts and a yellow t-shirt. If someone saw the bruise on her arm, she could blame it on skateboarding. She couldn't exactly do that when it came to a bruise on the inside of her thigh. She looked at herself in the mirror propped up against her wall, seeing the bruise on her thigh was slightly visible. The jeans were frayed at the ends, which helped in hiding the visibility of the bruise, but didn't completely cover it.

She knew it was far too hot out to wear a pair of pants- knew her friends- probably Lucas- would come up with a stupid joke about how hot she must've been. Was that better than the possibility of being questioned about a barely visible bruise? In Max's opinion,  _ yes _ , yes it was. 

_ Knock knock. _

The sound broke the comfortable silence surrounding Max, made her flinch slightly "Y-Yeah?" She said, her voice coming out unfamiliarly hoarse to her own ears 

"Just makin' sure you're up. I made french toast and bacon. If you want some, it's in the fridge." Max's mom, Susan, said in a chirpy tone behind the door. She'd learned to keep the door closed when talking, so she didn't hear an aggravated Max yell ' _ Close the door!' _

"I'm good, mom."  _ Lie. _

Susan went quiet for a few moments "Well, okay, honey. But you know what they say, breakfast is the most important-" 

"' _ Meal of the day _ '," Max said, finishing Susan's sentence. "Yes, mom, I know. I'm just not hungry."  _ Another lie.  _

Susan grew quiet once more "Alright, hun. Just... Make yourself something if you get hungry. Neil's already left for work and Billy is God knows where. I'm leaving to run some errands- I'll be back around 4 or so." Susan said, "I love you." 

Max chewed on her bottom lip as her mother spoke. Hearing Neil's name made her muscles tense. Max, to put it simply, did not give a fuck about her mom's unimportant bullshit. "Okay, mom. Love you too." She said softly, then hearing her mother hesitate a few moments before walking away from the door. A few seconds later, she heard the front door close 

Max slowly shed the shorts from her long legs, going to her dresser to get a pair of slightly ripped blue-jeans. Once she put them on, she ran a hand through her still-damp hair, sighing softly through her nose. She didn't want to meet up with her friends. She didn't want to smile and laugh and pretend to be okay. She didn't want to continue lying to herself or her friends 

_ She could still feel him _ . Kissing, grabbing, hitting, pushing, rubbing, biting,  _ forcing himself inside of her.  _ She didn't even have to close her eyes and think about it. Replaying the moments over in her head made her feel that uncomfortable chill you feel when you go down on a rollercoaster, the feeling that your innards are sinking, sinking,  _ sinking... _

"Fuck." She said softly, her voice again strange to her ears. She looked down at her hands. She promised Lucas she'd meet with him and the rest of her friends.  _ Do this for them, not yourself.  _

That was seemingly enough motivation to get her to stand and get some shoes on, to then grab her skateboard. She looked at her reflection in the small mirror on her dresser, seeing just how tired she looked. And she was tired, both mentally and physically. 

The night before was long. Niel hadn't done  _ as _ much as he's done before, but he still did enough to leave bruises. Her bed still smelled like him- a mix of cigarettes and some cheap, overly alcoholic cologne. It made her want to burn the fucking house down with him in it. 

But of course, that was not realistic. Most of the things she wanted to do to him (cutting his dick off, shooting him between the eyes, kicking him in the ribs, etc.) weren't realistic. When it  _ does _ happen, she can sometimes hardly move- hardly even fucking  _ breathe.  _ She sometimes blanks out completely, until she wakes up sore in the morning.

She thought about that often- why she wasn't able to do anything to stop him other than soft whimpers and murmured 'no's. It made her feel weak- like she wasn't in control of her own body- that her body was not hers. But wasn't that exactly what  _ he _ wanted?

Max opened the top drawer of her dresser, grabbing some cheap foundation stick that just barely matched her skin tone. 

She applied some of the makeup in an effort to hide her night full of hot tears and clenched fists. Soon enough, she felt  _ slightly _ better about the person looking back at her. She didn't feel good, but she was great at pretending she felt okay. Sometimes, she was so good at pretending, it made it feel as if she actually was okay. Those days of pretending were sometimes the good ones. 

She put her hair into a ponytail before walking out of the house, skateboard by her side. She began riding, pushing off to gain speed whilst going downhill. 

When she rode, she usually felt good. She usually felt in control, able to escape. Skateboarding made things easier, like water after taking a pill.

The humid breeze flirted with her skin, giving her a temporary break from the uncomfortable stillness. Even though she was from California, she still hated the heat. She was certainly more fond of the cold

Once a year, she and her father, Sam, would go up to Big Bear. There, she would snowboard, and laugh, and drink homemade hot coco. Before she even thought about picking up a skateboard, she'd actually first learned to snowboard, with her dad at her side cheering praise for even the smallest of accomplishments. She  _ really _ missed those times... In fact, she sometimes fantasized about running away back to California, fantasizing about finding her father and living with him.

Max had made it into town when she spotted Lucas walking his bike on the sidewalk.

"Hey, Stalker." She greeted, trying her best to sound like her normal, quick self.

Lucas glanced back around almost immediately "Max!" He exclaimed with a wide grin. Max pulled up next to him, smiling softly.

"You look a bit.. different," Lucas said once Max stopped riding, picking her board up. "But good! Really good!" He quickly followed his sentence up. He could tell something was different about her appearance, but he couldn't exactly say what it was.

Max smiled a bit, rolling her eyes. She tried not to let her face show how that little comment made her heartbeat quicken a few beats.

Lucas put a hand on Max's shoulder, causing her to flinch unwillingly, small smile falling "I mean it! You look nice." He told her. He noticed the flinch and the color momentarily drain from Max's face but didn't say anything, simply allowed for his hand to drop from her shoulder. What could you even say to someone flinching at your touch? Max mentally kicked herself for flinching, especially given she was flinching from the touch of her boyfriend.

Max finally allowed, well, forced herself to smile "So uh... Where's the rest of the gang?" She asked, beginning to walk side-by-side with Lucas.

Lucas shrugged "Mike said to meet at Starcourt and we can just hang out there... Do you ever turn your walkie talkie on?" He playfully teased with a smile.

Max glanced away from him and to the cracked concrete before her. "The batteries died last night- just my luck."  _ Lie.  _ If Niel knew she had a walkie talkie, he would definitely take it. Just another small but useful way of controlling her. And so, she'd kept it turned off and hidden unless she knew Niel was off on a business trip for a few days.

Lucas seemed not to notice this lie, not pressing any further for answers. "Did you see on the news? Apparently, someone robbed a gas station." He said, glancing over to Max. He could tell Max was off in her own little world simply by the far-off look in her eye.

"Max? Hellooo?" Lucas said, waving a hand in front of her face with a slight smile.

Max looked over to him "Y-Yeah, I saw that. Pretty scary stuff." She said softly, thinking that's what Lucas wanted to hear.

"He got away, though, the robber. I kinda hope he gets away for good." Lucas said, thinking out loud 

Max frowned a bit, again chewing the inside of her lip. This, too, went unnoticed by Lucas.

"I mean- I guess he hardly even got that much money." Lucas trailed off slightly, letting out a soft sigh. "Stuff like that happened often in California, right?" Lucas asked, looking to the redhead beside him.

Max nodded a bit "Yeah. And the occasional murder or drug-related thing or gang shit. The LAPD was never bored, you can believe that." She said softly, drawing her gaze to the dark sky above as she felt a drizzle of rain.

"It hardly ever rained in California..." She said softly. A bit of sadness flashed in her eyes, but she looked down. Heaven forbid she get a raindrop in her eye, Heaven forbid he see her cry. 

Lucas nodded, looking up. His face got speckled with tiny droplets of rain. "God, I hate it when it rains. It's nice sometimes, but it rains too often here." He said

Max glanced over to him, shrugging "I disagree. It's kinda nice when it rains. It washes away the bad and gives life to the new." 

Lucas chuckled a bit, nudging her with his arm "Very poetic." He teased

Max let out a soft sigh, smiling a bit before rolling her eyes "Whatever, Stalker. It rarely rained in California- Except in winter. I was rain-deprived for like- most of my life." She said with a small, almost genuine smile.

. . . 

Soon enough, the couple reached the mall. They quickly went inside after putting away the skateboard and bike, greeted with the lovely feeling of air conditioning. They saw Mike and Eleven sitting down at a table by the food court, splitting a pretzel and laughing.

Max and Lucas joined them, sitting down. Both were smiling, but only one was genuine. 

It seemed Eleven picked up on this rather quickly. She noticed the look in Max's eye. It was one she had recognized in herself at some point. While Mike and Lucas talked, Eleven stole the occasional glance from Max. 

Max eventually noticed the glances, looking to her friend with a ' _ what's your problem?'  _ kinda look. Eleven tilted her head slightly to the side, causing Max to look away. She felt as if the brown-eyed girl next to her was looking directly into her soul. 

Suddenly, Max was beginning to feel a tightness in her chest. She became aware of the fact that she could hear her heart beating in her ear. She became aware of the t-shirt clinging to her body. It was enough to make her want to rip her skin off. 

"Hey- umm, Lucas?" Max said, voice uncharacteristically faint. "I'm uhh... Gonna go home. I don't feel too well." 

Lucas looked over to her, frowning "Is everything alright?" He asked "It's a long walk home- are you sure you don't wanna just stay here?" 

Max stood up, nodding her head "I'm fine. I just don't feel too well... Maybe we can hangout tomorrow?" She said, pushing her chair back into its rightful place 

Eleven stood up as well, causing Max to look over at her with a frown. "I'll come with." She told her 

Max hesitated a moment, but ultimately knew Eleven was far too stubborn and far too good of a friend to allow Max to get away "Oh...kay." Max eventually said "But umm... Let's leave now.. I don't want to walk home in the rain..." She said softly 

Eleven nodded in agreement, pushing her chair in. Mike watched, mouth slightly ajar, with a slight look of disbelief. He wasn't about to say anything, though. He knew exactly how stubborn Eleven was

Both Max and Eleven said their goodbye's before turning and walking out, being welcomed back outside with an almost overwhelming wall of heat. 

Max sighed softly as she picked up her skateboard, holding it to her side as she began walking. What was she even going to talk about with Eleven? 

"So uh... why'd you decide to come with?" Max asked, glancing to her brown-haired friend 

Eleven shrugged slightly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as the two walked on the sidewalk. "I... don't know." She said softly "I thought might wanna walk with someone."  _ Lie _ . 

Max frowned a bit. Given she'd lied so many times before, she was rather good at picking up on when she was being lied to. "Okay.. then." She said softly 

. . . 

The walk home wasn't the worst, but it absolutely wasn't filled with endless conversation. The lack of conversation was uncomfortable at first, for Max at least, but it grew to be something of a comfort. When the two arrived at the house, it had only just turned 12. 

"So um..." Max ran her tongue over her bottom lip "Do you want anything to drink or eat?" She asked 

"Just a coke, please." Eleven replied softly as she looked around. She'd only been inside Max's house once before. Now, she noticed more things. Such as a jar filled with seashells on a shelf and a few paintings of sunny beaches. 

Max headed to the kitchen, Eleven trailing behind, continuing to observe the house surrounding her. She opened the fridge, grabbing out two cans of pop. She could feel Eleven's eyes on her as she did this.

Max slowly turned to Eleven, putting her arm out to hand her the can of pop. Eleven took it, gazing at her arm a few moments. Was that a bruise? 

"So umm-" 

"What's that?" Eleven asked, stepping closer to Max and pointing at the bruise on her arm. Max looked to the purple and yellow bruise, shaking her head slightly 

"I uh, got it from skateboarding. I hit a pebble and fell." 

Eleven seemed to chew this over, eventually shaking her head with a slight frown. "Do you lie?" She asked

Max's mouth fell slightly open, shaking her head "N-No. Why would I lie about some shit like that?" She asked, trying her best to appear honest

Eleven didn't look like she believed her, though. She stepped back, though. "Do you lie?" She asked again. This time around, her tone was caring and soft. It was genuine. It was enough to make Max look to the ground, to the black and white checkered flooring of the kitchen 

Eleven seemed to take Max's silence as her answer. "What happened?" She finally asked, awkwardly holding the can of pop in her hands "Did... Did Billy hit you?" She whispered softly

Max looked to Eleven. She could feel that tense feeling in her chest again. She could hear her heart beating in her ear again. She clenched her free fist, then releasing it "No." She said

Eleven frowned, shaking her head a bit. She  _ knew _ something was wrong. "Max..." She said softly "Please. Say what happened." 

Max's eyes grew wide. She swallowed hard. Her eyes were pricked with tears- ones she tried her absolute best to blink away. She looked back to the floor. Her heard thudded aggressively in her chest. "I just..." She shook her head slightly, a strand of copper hair falling in front of her eyes. "I'm fine." She eventually said

Eleven watched the redhead before her with such a caring, kind look in her eyes, it made Max want to hide away. How could she care so much about someone she hardly knew anything about? 

"Max, I can help." She said softly, confidently. And Max knew she probably was right. Eleven could make Niel's skull pop like a fucking balloon if she really put her mind to it. But that... That didn't matter to Max. The Maybe's, as Max had named them, were unlikely to ever happen, but they were entertaining thoughts nonetheless. They were what made the moon feel less atrocious, the sun less bitter.

Max hadn't even realized the tears had rolled out. But they did. She quickly wiped them away with the palm of her hand "L-Look, El. I am  _ okay." Lie _

Eleven shook her head. "Just tell me what happened." She stilled remained gentle and caring with her tone. Genuine. But God, did it only annoy Max. 

"Just leave it alone! Leave  _ me  _ alone! It's fucking fine, Eleven!" Max barked out, face falling as she realized what she had just said.

Eleven looked relatively unphased, but she did hesitate before she put a hand on Max's shoulder. This time, Max didn't shrink away. "Let me help." She finally said 

Max felt her chest tighten again. It felt as though she'd eaten a whole loaf of bread without any water. She felt tears roll down her cheeks, chin, and then neck. She felt Eleven wrap her in a gently hug, one which she did not return 

"H-He did it. He f-fucking... hurt me." Max finally whispered out. She was unable to bring herself to go into more detail, but Eleven still understood. Her voice was so faint, she almost didn't hear her. 

Eleven pulled away from the hug, cupping Max's cheek with a gently hand, carefully wiping away some of her tears "Who?" She said quietly. Her first thought was Billy. She was almost surprised to hear Max's faint reply of "Niel." 

Eleven looked at her with such a caring gaze, it made Max want to throw up. She did not think she deserved this girl's kindness, her patience, her love. She simply didn't. 

"Papa... hurt me too." Eleven finally said. She looked so... so  _ unaffected _ when saying this. Max felt more tears, hot and angry, roll down her cheeks. Eleven studied Max's expression a few moments "You-" She stopped herself, looking down 

She finally brought herself to meet the redhead's blue-eyed gaze. 

"We should tell someone." 


	2. stabbing secrets

Max's face fell "What? No! El- I wasn't even gonna tell  _ you _ ." She said quickly, words falling out of her mouth before she had a chance to grab onto them "It doesn't even matter. People won't believe me..." She ended up mumbling. 

Eleven shook her head "What he did... is not okay, Max." She softly mumbled. The brown-eyed girl took a shaky breath in "You need to try and tell someone else."

Try? Yeah, Max had tried a lot of things. From locking her door to saying she was on her period, she'd tried to stop Niel from having his way with her. But her whimpers and no's only seemed to make him want her even more, only seemed to add gasoline to the fire burning inside of Niel Hargrove

"No, Eleven." She said quietly. "All I will do is cause some unneeded drama..." She said, backing away from the brunette before her. She felt the hot tears roll down her now rosy cheeks again. She was sure, by now, the makeup she'd so carefully applied was either gone or heavily tear-streaked

Eleven looked slightly hurt by her saying this. Her eyes grew slightly wider, her eyebrows furrowing together. "That's not fair." She said quietly 

"'Not fair'? I can list about a million things that  _ aren't fair _ . For starters, being female isn't fucking  _ fair _ ." Max spat, voice growing slightly louder, her face growing pale, then red with a cocktail of anger and embarrassment 

Eleven shrunk back slightly "Max, he's a bad guy." Her tone was calm for the most part, but also somewhat shaky 

"Yeah, he is. But bad guys don't always get caught." She told the other before her, another tear rolling down her rosy cheek. "This isn't some stupid fairy tale- there is no fairy godmother to save me from this fuckery." She said, voice growing timider, though it still held a fiery snap to it 

Eleven didn't know what to say, bottom lip quivering. She felt like she could have cried. She felt as if there wasn't anything she could say that would comfort Max, and that was what hurt her the most. She simply looked down

Max realized her tone. She wiped away her remaining tears from her tear-streaked face with the palm of her hand, feeling a familiar dread building in her stomach.

"You can't tell anyone." She finally muttered, still tightly clenching her can of coke.

Eleven looked to the girl before her "I... wouldn't." She said serenely.

The sound of rain roughly hitting the windows soon provided a much-needed break from the thick, growing fog of tense and awkwardness beginning to creep between Max and Eleven. 

Eleven glanced outside. She saw the heavy downpour of rain, the trees swaying in the wind. It was a welcomed break from the hot emotions that had just filled the room.

It felt as though the two girls had stood there in the kitchen for three hours- though it was more like ten minutes. 

"I'm... going to my room." Max eventually said, turning away. Eleven stood there, alone in the kitchen, before deciding to join Max in her room. She didn't go into her room, though. Instead, she stood quietly in the doorway, still holding onto her unopened soda

Max was sat on her still un-made bed, looking out of her window to the lush, green forest in her backyard. The rain was still raging, occasionally cut into by the deep rumble of thunder.

"It's unbearable, isn't it?" Max finally said, still keeping her gaze out of her slightly-opened window "The fact that nothing is truly unbearable." 

Eleven couldn't help but agree. She'd been through some absolutely unbearable things... and yet she remained as strong, defying almost all of the odds. She slowly made her way into the others room, keeping a careful eye on Max. Then, she took a seat on the edge of the others bed. 

"I... I hate him, El." Max said softly, still looking out of the window. "He hurts, and uses, and takes, and takes, and then takes some more." She said quietly, pain pricking through her voice. But she swallowed that pain down in an attempt to contain it, an attempt to keep it from bubbling to the surface. She hated this broken feeling.

"I hate him too." Eleven said quietly, looking to the dark hardwood flooring. She meant what she said, too. She hated men like him... men like  _ them. _

Max's gaze eventually dropped from the window, landing on the girl sitting on the edge of her bed. As much as she absolutely fucking hated admitting it, telling Eleven about what Niel was doing did feel slightly good. But it was the wrong type of good, one that didn't actually, truly feel good. It felt icky and dirty and gross. It felt like trouble. 

"You can't tell anyone, Eleven. I'm serious." Max said quietly.

Eleven looked to her with a small frown but nodded nonetheless. "I won't." She softly replied.

Max ran her hand over her face, sighing out as she did so. What now? What could you even say to someone after you told them your stepfather is abusing you?

Eleven drew her bottom lip between her teeth for a few moments in thought. She, too, didn't know what to say or what should be said. 

The rain filled the silence, and with it, the smell of wet soil and life to come. 

"How... often does it happen?" Eleven finally asked, looking over to Max 

Max seemingly ignored the question, though, returning her gaze to the window. It wasn't raining as hard now, but it certainly was too much for her to kick Eleven out without feeling bad about her getting drenched. 

El picked at the tab on her can before opening it, the hiss of soda cutting into the silence like a red hot knife. 

Max looked over to her, watching her carefully. "Almost every night... In one way or another." She said. The way she  _ said _ it, so matter-of-factly, was enough to make El stop from sipping her pop mid drink 

El simply held the can between her small hands, looking down at it. "Max, can I sleep over?" Eleven finally asked 

Max's eyes grew slightly wider. She shook her head "What- are you insane? No. Absolutely not." She said

"Plus like- won't Hopper be mad or something? You didn't tell him you'd be staying here." Max said, shifting from her bed to stand up 

"He won't min-"

"Yeah, well I do mind." Max said, cutting El off. Neil is a fucking asshole. Max wasn't about to have Eleven be a sitting duck for the man. Even if she did have superpowers, that did not matter. 

Eleven looked at Max. There was slight hurt in her eyes, but there was also that fucking stubborn flame. The flame that got El where she was now. 

Max didn't return the gaze. She was positive she knew exactly what she would see, and that picture was more than enough. "I just can't let you stay here." She eventually said, eyes cast down to the dark hardwood flooring below 

Eleven stayed quiet a few moments before again beginning to pick the tab on the soda can. 

_ Tink. Tink. Tink.  _

Was this Eleven's form of protesting? To be as annoying as possible without actually intending to be annoying?

Max watched her, throwing daggers with her gaze. "Geez, El. Can you stop?" She asked, her tone betraying just how bothered she was becoming 

Eleven did stop. Her gaze landed on Max, who looked away instantly. 

Max looked at the clock on her dresser. It was almost noon.  _ Fuck. _

"El, you do realize I'm fine, right? I'm not a little girl. I can handle it." Max eventually said. She tried to put confidence behind her voice, but it faltered. It was rather apparent, to Eleven at least, that Max did not actually believe she could handle it. 

"You can sleepover my house." Eleven eventually said, looking over to her redhaired friend. Her gaze was kind and gentle. It made Max want to kick a hole in the wall. She didn't deserve her kindness or her gentle nature. She did not deserve it. 

"No, El. I... Told my mom I'd help with dinner tonight."  _ Lie. _

Eleven either didn't care or didn't know what helping with dinner pertained to. Either way, she didn't look as though that changed her mind in any way. 

"We can watch a movie." Eleven said

_ Boom _ . The sound of the front door slamming closed made Max flinch and clench her fists. 

Within a few seconds, she heard someone near the door. Heavy, decidedly lazy footsteps. It was Billy. 

Billy walked passed the doorway before stopping in the hallway. He slowly backed up, a small, angry little frown growing on his face 

"Who's  _ that? _ " He asked, cold gaze falling to Eleven. 

Max shifted slightly "A friend. Gee, I can't have friends around now?" She retorted 

Billy ran his tongue over his teeth, intense gaze moving from Eleven and onto Max. Had she been... crying? Her eyes were puffy and irritated and her skin was slightly red. But Billy didn't care. Or, at least, he told himself he didn't care. After all, that redheaded bitch was the reason they were in this hick town to begin with. 

Billy seemed to find that to be enough of an answer. He began walking away, back to his room which was just down the hall. 

Max dropped her shoulders, not even realizing how tense they'd become. Billy was an asshole. It seemed the asshole gene seemingly was dominant in the Hargrove men, although it was on far different levels. 

Eleven slowly looked over to Max. "Tomorrow." She said softly "You're sleeping over tomorrow." This time, her tone was more firm and less soft. 

A sharp breath came from Max's nose. "Sure. Fine. Whatever." She said. Although her tone was dismissive, she knew there really wasn't any way around this. 

She'd promised Lucas she'd see him tomorrow. If she wanted to appear normal (as she oh so desperately did), she was going to need to suck her emotions up and just do it. 

Eleven slowly stood up, looking out of the window. The rain had slowed to something of a soft drizzle. She walked closer to Max, taking her hand into her own. 

The small gesture made Max's heart begin beating- thudding- again. It made her nervous... but also comforted. She hated it. 

"Tomorrow." Eleven finally said, dropping her friend's hand from her own. And with that, she turned and left the room. A few seconds later, the sound of the front door closing followed. 

There, Max stood, heart still thudding in her chest. She was beginning to feel again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, so i've decided to turn this into a story. i'm still really unsure when it comes to this concept, however, i do have ideas for it. please feel free to tell me what you think! 
> 
> anyway, i hope you have a lovely day


	3. mad max

After Eleven had left, Max stayed in her room. She had pulled her hair from its ponytail, brushing it out. 

She'd drunk her soda and crushed the can. She tried to read a few different comics, but it was hard for her to focus. She would read a sentence and it simply didn't sink it. Then, she'd reread it, only to come across the same issue. And then she'd just get pissed off. 

The fact Billy was in his room blasting rock and roll did not help whatsoever. 

Susan came home a bit earlier than she'd told Max she would, arriving at 3:20 with a car full of groceries. 

_Knock knock._

"Yeah?" Max called out, setting the comic she held down 

"Hey, honey. I brought home some food. Can you help me unpack it?" Susan asked from behind the door 

Max let out a slow breath, swinging her legs off the bed and walking to her door. She opened it up, walking past her mom 

Susan watched her, a small frown growing. Something seemed off. The older redhead followed her daughter. 

"Are you okay, hun?" Susan asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. 

"Yep. I'm fine." _Lie._

Max walked to the trunk of the car. She opened it up, then bent over, looping her arms through the straps of the bags 

Susan joined her. "Wanna help me with dinner? I bought some cheesecake for dessert." She said with a soft smile, grabbing some grocery bags as well 

"Umm... I dunno, mom. I don't feel good." Max said as she walked back into the house 

Susan followed "Well, Neil is gonna be home soon. He said he wanted a roast for dinner." Hearing her mother speak made her actually not feel good. Of course she would dismiss the fact her daughter wasn't feeling, looking, or even really acting alright. 

"Do you think you could at least cut up some potatoes and carrots?" Her mom asked, following her into the kitchen 

Max set the groceries down on the counter "I mean... I guess?" She said quietly. 

"Good." Susan said with a smile. "You get started on that." She told her.

Max crossed her arms over her chest, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

"If you'd preset the oven, that'd be great. I'm going to see Colleen." Susan told her daughter with a small smile as she began unpacking the things from their bags

"I'll be back later." She said, putting a gentle hand on the side of her daughter's head "I'll see you then, honey."

_Gee, thanks, mom! Mother of the fucking year._

Max watched as her mother left the house yet again. She sighed deeply, biting down on her tongue.

She wanted to _scream._ She wanted to break plates, wanted to throw holes in windows, wanted to a knife to the couch and cut it open. 

Her skin felt like it was bubbling with anger, with _rage_.

But she didn't show it- she didn't even _admit_ she was angry. She simply didn't want to admit that her mother not truly noticing something was wrong bothered her, because that would mean admitting something _was_ wrong.

Still, she did as her mother told her to do. She preset the oven. She washed, peeled, and cut up the potatoes and carrots. 

She then heard the front door open. 

Her stomach sank. She knew _exactly_ who it was. She stopped cutting up a carrot, listening as _he_ walked into the home. 

She felt a chill go down her spine. 

"Where's your mom?" Neil asked, leaning on the doorway for the kitchen. 

Max didn't reply for a moment, as though if she just stayed quiet, he would go away. She didn't even notice she'd stopped breathing 

_Step... Step... Step..._

"I said," He put a hand to her waist "where is your mother?" He spoke lowly, bending over slightly so his mouth was closer to her ear 

"C-Colleen's... She said she was going to see her." Max choked slightly on her words, feeling a heavy tightness in her chest. She gripped the knife so tightly her nails dug into the rubber handle

Neil's hand fell slightly lower from her waist, moving to her hip. His hand was _gentle._ It made her want to stab it until it no longer looked like a hand. "When will she be back?" He asked huskily 

_Fuck._ Max felt her hands beginning to tremble 

"I don't know..." She replied, keeping her gaze down on the carrot she'd been cutting. 

_FUCK._ She felt him pressing up against her. She bit down on the inside of her cheek until she tasted that bitter crimson 

He took that as an answer enough. Neil dropped his hand from her hip, grabbing a cut-up piece of carrot, further pressing up against her. He _wanted_ her to feel him. He lingered there a few moments before walking away. He'd made his point. 

The television could be heard turning on in the living room. 

Max closed her eyes. No- she squeezed them shut. Her breathing trembled slightly. She could still feel _him_ , _it,_ pressed against her. It made her want to throw up. Again came that feeling of sinking, sinking, _sinking_. 

She was gripping the knife handle so tightly her fingertips began to hurt. 

_Fuck_. 

She couldn't just keep standing there, and so she cut the rest of the carrot before putting it into a pile. She then put the chopped up vegetables into their own separate bowls. Still, her hands trembled as she did so. Her heart would not stop thud, thud, _thudding_

Her stomach growled softly, reminding her that she hadn't eaten today. Did that really matter though? No. Or at least Max didn't think it was an issue. Plus, even if she wanted to, it wasn't like she could take the food into her room to eat. She would need to stay out _there_ , exposed to _him._

That thought was enough to make her lose any want to eat. And so, she went back into her room and again attempted to read comic books that simply did not sink in. 

She stayed in her room for the rest of the night, listening to the radio occasionally. She didn't _want_ to think, but with her being alone, she had nothing else to do. 

Surprisingly to Max, the night came quickly. Her mom, who had come home from Colleen's only to go off again, hadn't even bothered checking up on her. Max didn't care much about that, though. 

She heard the doorknob to her bedroom twist. She then, saw Neil, standing there. The light from Max's room flooded into the dark hallway. 

He had that look in his eyes again. The one Max was sure a Waterbuffalo would see before a Lioness gave it the kiss of death, attaching its jaws around the poor creature's mouth until it suffocated to death. The one that made her skin crawl, her stomach tighten. _That_ one. 

"Your mom wanted me to... check on you." He spoke slowly, calmly. He ran his tongue across his bottom lip. 

"She's gone. Went to pick up a prescription for birth control... For you." Neil said. Was he lying? Max couldn't tell... She and her mother hadn't ever spoken about trying or going on birth control. But she could sense, thanks to a terrible feeling in her gut, that he didn't lie about her being out of the house. 

Max swallowed down hard "Okay..." She said quietly 

Neil watched her carefully as he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. 

"Your mom is worried about you." He said quietly, trying to be sure Max heard the sound of the door latching behind him

Max sat up in her bed, beginning to feel her heart thud yet again in her chest. He looked like a predator, in more than one sense of the word. 

He walked closer to the bed, footsteps slow but light. He then took a seat on the edge of the bed, the same place where Eleven had been sat. 

He watched her with dark eyes, and Max watched him with wide ones. 

Then, something simply snapped in him. He moved so quickly, it shocked Max. 

Within a few seconds, he was on top of her, straddling her hips with his legs as he looked down at her. She felt her breath begin to hitch, her chest begin to tighten

"Get off me..." She said quietly

Was that a fucking _smirk_ pulling at his lips? It was. 

"You look so much like your mom..." Neil said as he looked down at her, the smirk growing ever so slightly. He completely ignored her command for him to get off her. 

"Get off me, Neil." Max repeated, feeling her muscles tense and her heart thudding in the back of her throat 

"We're gonna have some fun, little girl. You know you like it." Neil said, small smirk still playing at the ends of his lips. He reached down, thumb carefully tracing over her cheekbone, finger twirling a strand of copper hair 

Max had been pushed too far. Too many times, he snuck into her room. Too many times, he touched her. Too many times, he took from her.

She felt him pull away, hearing him beginning to unbuckle his belt with one hand. Then, she felt his hands running down her chest. Once he reached the end of her shirt, she felt him begin tugging at her pajama shorts. And she fucking _cracked_. 

"Get the _FUCK_ off me!" She yelled, fists flying at his chest. She wasn't holding back, either. Each punch was harsh, wild, powered by pure, red hot hatred.

Then, she punched his throat, causing him to choke. He fell to the side, still on the bed. Max began scrambling away to get away from him and to the door, falling to her hands and knees as she hurridly crawled to the closed door as quickly as possible. She could hear Billy's music pounding in the other room. 

"You little _BITCH!_ " Neil croaked. He stood up quickly, one hand on his throat, other hand reaching and grabbing her by the hair. His fingers interlocked in her locks, and he harshly yanked her back onto the bed. Her spine hit the frame, taking every ounce of air from her lungs, causing her to cry out in pain. She hardly even got away from him. 

Max felt hot, raging tears slide down her cheeks as her back hit the frame of the bed. She _knew_ there would be a terrible bruise there the next day. Her skull fucking ached and her spine screamed in pain. And Neil didn't let go of her hair. He, instead, tightened his grip. 

The pain of his fist yanking on her hair _almost_ hurt as much as her back slamming into the frame. 

She grabbed onto his wrist, nails brutally digging into his flesh "Let go of me!" She sobbed. But he didn't let go, he only yanked her up again 

"You can't get away from me, little girl." He growled, pulling her up by her scalp so she was on her knees

Max couldn't take it anymore. She began ruthlessly tearing, scratching, ripping at his arm, but it was as if he didn't even _feel_ it. He only yanked her by the hair again

"Unbuckle my belt." He said. His tone cool, calm, and collected. Absolutely _chilling._

"N-No..." Max said faintly, putting her hand on his thigh in an attempt to build some distance between the two of them. 

_Slap!_

Neil's palm forcefully met with Max's cheek, causing only more tears to fall. She tasted blood, bitter-sweet metallic taste coating her tongue. 

"Unbuckle my belt, _slut child_." He commanded lowly. 

Max felt the rage bubbling up inside her again. She began vigorously punching his thighs, then roughly punching him in the crotch. 

That was enough to get him to let go of her hair. He instantly fell to his knees, cupping his throbbing balls, almost falling on top of Max.

She took this as her chance, quickly stumbling to her feet as she ran to the door, swinging it open, causing it to loudly bang the wall

"Billy! Mom!" She cried out. 

"Oh, you little bitch-" She heard Neil groan, attempting and failing to get to his feet. 

She ran to Billy's door, immediately barging inside.

"What the fuck, Max! _GET OUT_!" Billy loudly yelled from his bed where he'd been reading, immediately sitting up as Max slammed the door behind her, turning and locking the door

"Billy-" Max sobbed out, sliding down the door. It made her back ache even more, but it was the only thing she could think to do " _Please- keep him out!_ " She cried, her hand flying to her mouth as she tried to muffle her body-wreaking sobs 

Billy watched her with an intense frown, slowly sitting up from his bed. He hadn't ever seen Max cry- not like this. This was a terrifying crying, a begging, a pleading 

"Billy! _PLEASE_!" She cried out, her face growing red with distress. 

_BOOM BOOM BOOM_

Neil's fists ruthlessly beat down on the door, causing Max eyes to grow wide with fear, tears streaming down her cheeks, to her neck, one by one to her tear-soaked shirt 

Billy stood up quickly, mouth slightly ajar. He didn't know what the fuck to do- He didn't even know what the fuck even _happened_

"W-What the fuck even happened, Maxine?" Billy asked. He never used her full name before and it felt wrong. Almost as wrong as seeing his step-sister sobbing on the ground

"He-He tried to fucking r-rape me!" Max desperately wailed

Billy's expression immediately fell, his confusion being replaced with a glaze of pure fucking rage. Billy was a bad person, yes. But he would shoot his brains out before he ever allowed for himself to become _that_ bad of a person

"C'mon out, Maxine!" Neil yelled, banging mercilessly on the door yet again, "Come the fuck out, you little cunt!" 

"Get up, Max." Billy commanded, voice deep, walking to the door. Max looked up to him, eyes wild and unsure. He grabbed her by the arm, pulling her up with ease. 

Max hurriedly walked to the corner of the room, arms tightly crossed in a desperate self hug 

Billy unlocked the door, pulling it open with unnecessary strength. There his father stood, eyes bloodshot and face red. There was a moment where the two men stared at each other, each waiting for the other to make the first move. _Hate the Police_ by _The Dicks_ was blaring in the background 

"You mother fucker..." Billy spat before grabbing his father by the shirt, pushing him harshly back into the hallway's wall behind him

Neil grabbed Billy by the shoulders, digging his nails into his skin through his shirt. That didn't do anything but further enrage Billy, who began savagely punching his father repeatedly 

The ring Billy wore snagged on Neil's cheekbone, causing it to rip a piece of flesh from his face. It was a deep gash, one which immediately swelled with blood. And then, Billy hit his nose, feeling a very distinctive _crunch_

"YOU MOTHER FUCKER! YOU BROKE MY NOSE!" Neil screamed, eyes wide and nose flared like that of a wild horse

"~ _You can't find justice, It'll find you~"_ The song screamed in the background

Max looked around Billy's room with terrified eyes before spotting a telephone on the nightstand. She ran for it, horrifically trembling hands typing 9-1-1

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" A female operator answered 

"Send someone over n-now! W-We're on Cherrylane. He-" Max choked on her words, a sob coming from her that hardly even sounded human "He won't stop hitting him!" 

"You're a fucking _RAPIST_ !" Billy spat, grabbing his father by his hair and pounding, pounding, _pounding_ his head into the wall until there was a hole in the plaster 

That was enough to loosen Neil's grip on Billy's shoulder. The man looked _over with._ But that didn't stop Billy, who continued to brutally punch Neil directly in the face 

Blood streamed from his nose and cheek, from an ugly split in his lip and onto Neil's shirt and Billy's fists 

"Billy- _NO_!" Max yelled, dropping the phone as she raced to her brother's side, desperately grabbing his arm "You're gonna kill him! You-You can't kill him!" She sobbed

Two more punches and Neil was over with. He fell unconscious with a solid thud. But Billy didn't stop there, he kicked his father twice in the stomach. 

Max pull Billy away from the man before he could do any more harm. 

Billy's eyes were large, his mouth ajar. He slowly stumbled back, blinking a few times before looking to his hands. They were _covered_ in blood, shiny and wet 

Max was hyperventilating "B-Billy, we gotta.." She felt like she couldn't get enough air. She felt like she was underwater. Her eyes welled with tears. Her lip was split and bleeding. "Billy we-we-we need to go outside." She finally gasped out

Billy looked to the man on the floor. He looked to the hole in the wall, which had smudges of blood around the perimeter of said hole. 

Max grabbed Billy tightly by the hand, beginning to pull him down the hallway. The older boy stumbled as he followed her, his eyes wide as realization began sinking in. Oh, how cruelly realization can sting 

Max pulled him out of the house, desperately shutting the door behind her. It was cooler out now the sun was down. The two were welcomed outside with a soft breeze and the croaks of toads. 

Max could hear the sirens, and a few moments later, she could see the red and blue flashing lights speeding down the road.

Billy walked forward, taking a seat on the two steps built into the walkway that led to the house. His gaze fell to his bloodied hands. Max following behind, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

There was a terrifying feeling in the pit of Max's stomach. Fear for the future, mostly. A petrified worry of what time will bring dragging with it. 

But there was also a wellness she hadn't felt in an incredibly long time. Although she feared the future and what it had to bring, she knew she could and would deal with it day by day. After all, things couldn't get any worse... right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tell me whatcha think of this chapter :) i'd love to hear your thoughts !


	4. frigid waters

Everything happened so incredibly quickly. It felt as if nothing at all had actually happened- a strange numbness filling Max's chest where she'd once felt her heart beating out of control.

Hopper was the first to arrive at the house, a bright red ambulance arriving soon after. He saw a bloody-handed Billy sat down next to a pale-faced Max, both covered in a blanket of darkness thanks to the cloudy night sky 

"What..." He'd never seen two people look so shaken up. Max was the only one who looked at him when he spoke. She looked terrible. 

Her hair was a mess, there was a soft bruise forming on her cheekbone, and there was dried blood in the corner of her mouth where a split lip had claimed its place. Hopper felt something far bigger had gone down than a family getting into a fight.

He licked his lips, glancing to the ground for a moment. What the hell could he even say to these people? They absolutely didn't look alright enough to speak. 

Susan pulled up, slamming her car into park right outside of the house before rushing to get out. "W-What happened?!" She asked, wide eyes going to Hopper for answers before falling onto Max. Her mouth fell open slightly when she saw her daughter, who she hurriedly went to 

She placed a hand on Max's cheek "Oh my goodness- Honey, what happened? Where are your shoes?" She asked. When she got no reply, she turned and looked at Hopper 

"What the hell happened!" She yelled, causing Billy to flinch, his muscles tightening before releasing. 

"We got a call about a fight breaking out." Hopper said simply, crossing his arms over his chest.

An EMS driver arrived at Hopper's side, a younger-looking fellow with brown hair and a bag at his side. "We umm... need to search the house." He said softly. He looked uncomfortable. 

"Fine- Fine, whatever, do what you need to do." Susan said dismissively, pulling her daughter into her side. 

"Bring a stretcher." Max mumbled quietly, causing Susan to frown further. The man hesitated a moment before nodding. He turned back to the ambulance, going into the back and coming out with a stretcher and another person, one who wore the same dark uniform 

Max didn't react. She didn't lean into her mom, she didn't cry. She didn't push her away. She simply didn't do anything, because she felt nothing. 

Everything happened quickly. So, so very fast. Neil was quickly taken from the house on a stretcher, put into the ambulance in a rush. Billy was placed in the back of a cop car. 

And Susan? As soon as she saw her husband's bloodied and bruised face, she immediately followed him into the back of the ambulance. She left Max to sit there where Billy had been sat, simply alone to look up at the stars 

"Hey... Kid." Hopper said softly... timidly. He took a seat next to Max, giving her more than enough distance. 

Max tore her gaze from the stars above and looked over to him, frowning slightly. Why did he look so concerned? For all he knew, it was only a fight that had broken loose. 

Hopper didn't meet her gaze. Instead, he looked at his brown boots. "Did something...  _ else _ happen?" He asked softly 

Max looked away from the man. Amidst the nothingness, she felt that sinking feeling again. "No." 

Hopper grew quiet for a few moments. "So... Your dad and brother just broke into a fight without any reason?" He asked, looking over to Max

She clenched her jaw, lips pursing for a moment. She wanted to say ' _ he is not my father. my dad is a good man. he would never have done ANYTHING like this.' _

" _ Step _ -dad." She muttered this so quietly, Hopper hardly even heard her. 

"What?" 

"He  _ isn't _ my dad, okay?!" Max yelled, putting her harsh gaze on the man next to her

Hopper raised his eyebrows, then frowned. He grew silent for a few moments.

"Max... I know something is wrong." He said softly, gently. The way he spoke to Eleven when she got mad. "Just... help me out and tell me  _ what's _ wrong." 

Max scoffed softly, shaking her head. The two sat like that for a little while, silence overtaking them both until Hopper stood up 

"Max... Stand up." 

Max looked up to the man with a frown "Why?" 

Hopper sighed deeply "Because you can't stay here alone. You're a minor. I mean, if you want, you can be placed into a temporary foster home..." A larger, colder frown grew on Max's face. She felt that anger begin again, the one that made her mouth dry and her fists clench 

"Or you could come with me. Get rested, see El. Everything that needs to be figured out can wait 'til morning." Hopper told her. He knew the option Max would choose- given it was the option just about any logical person would go with. 

Max stayed quiet a few moments before finally standing up, looking up at the taller man before her.

"Alright then." Hopper said, sending her a small, soft smile. "Get a pair of shoes before we leave." 

. . . 

Again, things happened quickly. Before Max really even knew it, Hopper had parked the Sheriff's truck in front of a familiar-looking cabin. Max felt something building in her stomach- much like the electricity one feels before a storm- but heavier. 

She looked out of the windshield, seeing light flooding into the forest from the cabin's window. 

"Listen, Max." Hopper said. He brought his gentle gaze to Max. "I need for you to tell me if anything else happened tonight." He said softly 

"Alright..." Max quietly muttered. Her voice was slightly cold and distant, as though she wasn't really there.

Hopper stayed quiet a few more moments. He knew the two of them weren't going to be doing much talking tonight. 

He turned the car off, unbuckling and getting out. Max soon did the same, following him up the stairs into the small cabin, where Hopper looked through his keys for a few moments until he found the proper one. He then opened the door, walking in as Max followed behind.

It was uncomfortably warm in the house, feeling as though it certainly didn't have air conditioning. It smelled strongly of wood and cinnamon, an  _ almost _ comforting smell. She'd been there a few times before, but this time felt different. This time, everything felt different. 

Max stood there by the door, simply looking in as she held her hands in front of her.

"El? We're home." Hopper said, glancing over to Max. He took his hat off, setting it down on the arm of the couch. 

Eleven peeked her head from her room. When she spotted Max, she couldn't help but frown slightly, her mouth falling open before a smile pulled at the ends of her lips 

"Max is gonna be staying with us tonight." Hopper said, eyes jumping between the two girls before him.

"Sleepover?" El questioned softly, further emerging from her room. Max couldn't look at her, and so her gaze fell to the wooden floors below her.

"Yeah. A sleepover." Hopper said before looking to his watch. 10:23 PM. He sighed softly. "It's starting to get late, girls." He said, looking up. "I'd recommend going to sleep sometime soon." His recommendation wasn't at all a recommendation, it was a softened command that both girls seemed to understand well. 

Eleven nodded "I'll make a bed." She said softly, disappearing back into her room. 

This wasn't her first rodeo. Every time Max slept over, she would make her a lovely bed on the floor- one that was surprisingly comfortable thanks to the number of blankets and pillows El would use. 

Max stood there a few moments hitting the toe of her converses on the ground. She could feel Hopper's gaze on her. 

"If you need anything, feel free to ask." Hopper eventually said before turning away, going into his own room

Max stood there, slowly drawing her gaze up. She didn't know what was going to happen tomorrow. 

What would Billy say happened? What would Neil say happened? What will happen? 

Those thoughts were sharp and unforgiving. They cut, stabbed, yanked and pulled. A wave of worry pounded over her, ice-cold and unforgiving. 

"Max?" A soft voice said, one that formed into a hand that yanked her from the endless frigid ocean of her mind. 

Max looked up, seeing El standing there. "I umm, made the bed." She said softly, sending her friend another sheepish smile. 

Max nodded, looking around as she walked closer to El's room. "Thanks." She said quietly. 

Eleven moved out of her way, allowing her into her small but comfortable room. 

Max removed her shoes once inside the room, Eleven taking a seat on her bed as she watched her friend.

"Are you okay?" Eleven finally asked. She seemed somewhat... uncomfortable asking so- as though she was worried it would only annoy or upset Max.

But it did neither. Max just plopped down in the bed on the ground, laying her head on the pillow before pulling a soft, baby blue blanket up over her shoulder. 

Eleven softly sighed, realizing she wasn't going to be getting any answers. She simply laid down in her bed, pulling the covers up to her chest before using her powers to turn the room's light off and the fan on. 

"Goodnight, Max." El softly said, turning on her side. 

Max didn't reply. 

The darkness brought with it something unfamiliar and unwanted. That something clawed at Max's skull.

_ Stress. Fear. Anger. Exhaustion. Overstimulation. Loss. Annoyance. Pain. _

The words bounce around inside her mouth, coating her tongue. Agony roils in her stomach, her throat, consuming her brain. It’s too hot. It’s too cold. The quiet blares in her ears, late-night shrieking her name. She should be in bed at home. She should be asleep. This should all be over.

But the bruises on her legs ache, and her head won’t let her rest. Something is wrong. Desperately wrong. Maybe a shutdown would help- a stop-and-restart, a reset, but the error code keeps flashing, and the sounds are getting brighter and the colors louder and-

**_ Loneliness.  _ ** The word hits her brain like a wave of frigid ocean water, knocking the breath out of her lungs and submerging her in pain. She is lonely. Everything else- the pain, the anger, the fear- it comes from the coldness of the air in the room, and how no one is there to chase it away.

Max thought she liked being alone. Being alone meant she wasn't with  _ him _ , which meant she was alright... right? Wrong. Being alone was simply a lesser evil. It was the pain that hurt slightly less.

"Eleven?" Max says quickly, quietly. Her eyes are wide when she says her name- so she squeezes them shut. If she's asleep, she doesn't want to wake her. If she's awake though...

"Hmm?" El softly hummed, shifting in her bed. 

"Can I..." Max clenched her hand into a fist, nails digging into the palm of her hand. "Can I come lay with you?" She finally asked. It  _ hurt _ her to ask. But the strange feeling she felt when she did ask was better than the stabbing discomfort of loneliness.

Eleven stayed quiet before shifting in her bed "Bring your pillow." She softly instructed, tiredness lacing her voice. Max did as told, getting up and laying her pillow down before joining her friend in bed. 

Eleven grabbed the edge of the blanket that draped over her body, tossing it over Max to make sure she was warm. Almost instantly, Max felt the loneliness begin to dissipate. She felt as though she'd been taken from the water and pulled up on shore, where the sun kissed her skin and the wind whispered softly

She felt better. Not okay- definitely not good... but better. 

"El?" 

"...Hmm?" 

"Thank you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading this :) i plan on having the rest of the kids hang out next chapter, so stick around for that! :))


	5. rotten heart

The morning came surprisingly fast, waking both Max and Eleven up with the chirp of birds and the peck of woodpeckers outside.

Eleven laid there, looking up at the ceiling, the hum of the fan interrupting her thoughts. 

When Max woke up, it took her a few moments to remember where she was and why she was there. When she did remember, though, she felt somewhat ill. 

She rubbed her eyes with the heel of her hand, El softly yawning.

"G'Morning." Eleven faintly whispered.

Max paused a few moments before clearing her throat "Morning." 

"How'd you sleep?" Eleven asked, sitting up slightly.

"Fine." Max replied quietly. By 'fine', she meant she'd slept better than she had in months. 

Max sat up quickly, running a hand through her wild hair as her feet touched the carpeted floor beneath.

_ Knock knock. _

Max sighed softly as she saw Hopper open the door up "Morning, girls." He greeted with a soft, genuinely kind smile. 

He was already in uniform, though his hat and shoes were both off 

"Breakfast is almost ready. You alright with french toast?" He asked Max, who shrugged before nodding 

"Alright, well, good. Also, Max..." He paused a moment, glancing to the ground before bringing his gaze back to Max. "I need to speak with you after breakfast." 

Max felt the anxiety begin to bubble in her stomach, felt her hands and feet suddenly become a whole lot colder. "Okay..." She said faintly, her voice attempting to sound calmed and relaxed. 

She could feel El's eyes on her. She could feel that concerned gaze of a friend who genuinely cared, of a friend who genuinely wanted to help. She ignored it. 

Hopper turned away, walking to the kitchen.

Eleven shifted in the bed so she was sat next to Max. "Is everything okay?" She questioned, looking to the wild-haired red-head beside her 

"Fine." Max replied, standing up. There was a hint of annoyance and biting sarcasm lacing her tone. Not a damn thing was currently fine. 

Eleven stayed quiet a few moments before standing up, going to her dresser. She got out two pairs of jean pants, two t-shirts, and two flannels.

She set one of each item down next to Max. "So you can change." She said simply. 

Max stared at the clothing a few moments before looking to Eleven "Thanks.." She mumbled quickly before grabbing the clothing. "I'll... go change in the bathroom." She said before leaving the room, heading down the small hallway to reach the small bathroom

Once she closed the bathroom door, she felt her shoulders drop. She looked into the mirror, seeing a stranger starring back at her. 

She felt sick. How was she going to sit down by her friend who cared so deeply about her and pretend to be okay all whilst trying to eat food she had no desire to consume?

Max knew she couldn't just ask Hopper what he knew. She changed quickly into the fresh clothing, then washed her face with cold water and shaky hands.

She was lost in the foggy maze of her mind. The present had shrunk into a small, unpleasant place. 

Max found herself doing things almost on auto-pilot. Her fingers combed through her hair in the mirror, she tied the flannel around her waist, she walked from the bathroom and into the kitchen all without truly being there in the moment.

She was too busy thinking about unrealistic possibilities. 

Eleven was already sat down at the table, sipping a glass of orange juice as she eyed Max from behind the cup. 

A perfectly untouched plate of bacon and french toast sat next to Eleven. Max took that seat, pulling her chair closer to the table. She didn't look very hungry, though. If anything, she looked a tiny bit ill or even slightly uncomfortable

Hopper joined them at the table, setting his plate and drink down. 

"You're not a vegetarian, are ya?" Hopper asked after seeing just how put-off by the food Max appeared. 

Max shook her head slightly, not joining his gaze. Instead, she steadily gazed at the cup of orange juice 

"Good." Hopper said with a smile "Wouldn't want that bacon to go to waste." 

Max let out a soft sigh before sitting up, taking the fork in her hand 

"Vegetarian?" El questioned, looking to Hop for answers 

"Yeah. Basically just a person who doesn't eat meat. Stuff like that was big in the '70s." Hopper said simply, beginning to cut a slice of french toast before eating a rather decently large bite 

Max poked at the syrup drizzled toast before cutting a small piece off, eating it. While it did taste good, it did nothing for Max. It made her feel almost worse given the cloudy uncertainty of that to come after breakfast. 

Max could feel both Hopper and Eleven steal occasional glances at her, which she absolutely refused to meet. If she didn't look at them, she wouldn't have to see Hop's question glazed or El's concerned glazed eyes.

Breakfast felt as though it went on and on, even though it lasted less than twenty minutes. 

Both Hopper and Eleven had finished their plates and most of the juice in their cups, while Max had just barely finished off a slice of french toast.

Eleven had disappeared back into her room, closing the door behind her. The closed-door told Max to stay out. Had Hopper spoken to El? Was that why she didn't allow her friend back into her room?

Max's thoughts were interrupted when Hopper sat across from her. He placed his elbows on the table, crossing his arms over one-another as he eyed Max's plate 

"You weren't hungry?" Hopper asked, looking to Max. Even though he tried to look kind and gentle, his gaze held a specific weight to it, one which Max felt herself want to squirm under 

"Not really a breakfast person." She replied in a steely tone, momentarily meeting his gaze with a stubbornly cool one. She was not going to appear bothered. If she looked bothered, then that meant something was wrong. 

Hopper nodded "Alright then." He said simply enough. He glanced around the room a few times before looking back to Max. Max simply didn't look at him. 

Instead, she allowed for her gaze to fall to the clock on the wall.  _ 10:34 AM _ . Didn't Hopper have work? Or did being Sherrif somehow mean you were your own boss? 

Max didn't care enough to ask. 

"Billy told me what happened." Hopper said simply.

It wasn't exactly true, given Billy had told Hopper's co-worker what happened while being interrogated, who then passed the information along to Hopper. His lips pressed together to make a line as he looked to Max for a reaction. 

She tried to control herself, her reaction, but she felt the color drain from her face. She shifted in her chair, crossing her arms across her chest. "So what?" She said, words attempting to be confident, though her voice betrayed her with a nervous shake 

Hopper let out a sigh through his nose, sitting back. He knew nothing about this was going to be easy, especially given the subject matter. 

"He said some concerning things, Max. He said something had-" He paused a moment, as though searching for the proper phrasing "-Happened between you and Neil." He finally said

"Whatever. Nothing happened." Max quickly lied, eyes dancing to look at different things on the table- to look at anything that was not the concerned-looking man before her 

Hopper stayed quiet before clearing his throat. "He said Neil tried to hurt you." 

Max closed her eyes quickly. Her heartbeat was beginning to quicken. "Nothing. Happened." Max repeated, opening her eyes so she could glare at Hopper. 

"Listen, Max..." Hopper said softly. "I'm here to help you. I  _ want _ to help you. But you have to let me do that... and for me to actually help you, I need to know what actually happened." His tone was calm and collected as he spoke. If it were under different circumstances, his voice might've even been soothing. 

"Yeah- Well, nothing  _ actually _ happened," Max said, rapidly blinking a few times. She felt the hot, unwanted tears coming. She felt the cocktail of anger, fear, and anxiety beginning to bubble. She felt her heart begin to pound even harder. 

"Max..." Hopper said softly. He knew something was wrong. "Just tell me what happened last night." He said. 

Max felt her bottom lip quiver, and so she pulled it between her teeth in an attempt to make it stop, harshly biting down. She opened her eyes, though her teary-eyed gaze dropped to the table. 

"It... Billy was just trying to protect me." Max said shakily. Arms still crossed, her hand harshly gripped her arms skin. She swallowed hard, fighting to keep the tears back. 

"Who was he protecting you from?" Hopper asked, heavy gaze not moving from the girl across the table. 

_ 'Who'.  _ Not a  _ what _ , a  _ who. _

Max's grip only tightened around her arm, her other hand balling into a fist. Hopper noticed this. He knew he was getting closer to the truth. 

"Neil." Max said. Her voice was strange to her own ears, choked and hoarse. 

Hopper grew quiet a few more moments. His eyes flashed over with a painful realization of all that must've happened. As much as he didn't want to press further, he knew he had to get the full story before he could make any drastic decisions. 

"What did Neil do? Why was Billy trying to protect you?" He asked. 

Max looked to Hopper. Her eyes were slightly bloodshot and the corner of her lip was bruised. Her gaze, however, was the worst part. It made Hopper shrink back slightly as he saw the coldness, the anger, the pain. 

Hop ran a hand through his hair, further realization washing over him. "Look, kid. Sometimes, there are things that can lift us out of pits of despair... But nobody can do it for you. You’re the one who has to watch for the open door. This is your open door." 

Max quickly stood up, roughly shoving her chair back into place. "Bullshit." She spat, harsh glare landing on the man before her. "Nothing about this is an open door! If anything- This is only going to lead to more doors!" She said, voice raising as her eyes widened with anger

Hopper's mouth fell open as he searched for words. He heard the door of Eleven's room creak open. 

"El- go back in your room." He said, turning to see Eleven peeking her head outside her room

Eleven looked to at Hopper, frowning momentarily before ducking back into her room, closing the door. 

Hopper looked at Max, clenching his jaw briefly. "Sit down, Max." 

Max scoffed slightly, shaking her head "Why? So you can continue to pretend like you know what happened?" The words fell too quickly for her to of grabbed onto them, but it didn't really matter. Her point, although harshly, had gotten across. 

"Then sit down and tell me what happened." Hopper said, raising his own voice. 

Max bit down on the inside of her cheek as she felt tears prick her eyes. They were guilty and shameful. They told of a story unspoken and of feelings unwanted. 

Max looked down as she quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand- But it was too late. Hopper had already seen enough. 

"Just..." Hop sat forward, elbows on the table. "Tell me what Neil did." He said softly. 

Max felt that sinking feeling again. "What  _ didn't _ he do? That's the real question. Would probably be a shorter list too." She snapped in reply

Hopper again sighed through his nose, running a hand down his face. "Max... Did he.." Hopper hesitated, finding the words hard to say. "Did he rape you?" 

Max squeezed her eyes shut, putting a hand over her mouth to stifle any noise she made. She heard El's door creak open again, then felt arms wrap her in a hug. Eleven's hug was fierce and kind, so loving it only made Max want to cry harder

The emotions became too stabbing to hold them back. She felt the tears fall and the sobs wreck her body. What was going to happen now? The truth had just come tumbling out. 

Fear and pain had a specific way of altering the fabric of one's reality. Instead of feeling the expected and hoped for peace and relief that is said to come with admitting something so painful, all Max felt was that frigid, salty water filling her lungs. 

She felt rotten. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodness. 
> 
> i have so many ideas as to where this story will be taken (having steve & other characters come into future chapters), so bare with me haha. 
> 
> let me know if you have any constructive criticisms of the story and / or chapter so far! 
> 
> anyway, i hope ya have a fantastic day :)


	6. go rimbaud

The cocktail of anger, hurt, upset, and other painfully toxic emotions sturred around in Max's chest, leaving behind an agonizing, lethal sludge where her heart pounded so rapidly. Eleven's hug did nothing to clean away these slimy feelings, but her hug did prevent them from further growing. 

The red-head desperately grasped onto Eleven's flannel tightly, as though letting go would cause some horrific, unforeseeable damage. 

Hopper watched the two as they hugged, face pale and mouth ajar. What could he even say? What would he do if something this horrendous had happened to Eleven? The question, while enough to make him want to cry, he was sure of the answer. 

He would strangle the son of a bitch who hurt his kid with his own two hands. But he couldn't do that now. Even though he felt a flame of rage deep in his soul for what Neil had done, he knew he couldn't exactly kill the man. He could, however, make sure he got put away. 

"Max..." A shaky voiced Hopper said softly. "We..." Hopper looked down to his hands letting out a quick breath. How exactly was he about to tell this girl he needed to take her to the station so they could file a sexual assault report? How could he numb his words as to cause the least amount of pain? To put it simply, he couldn't.

"Max- We need to go down to the station." Hopper finally said, immediately feeling a tightness in his chest.

Max pulled her face from Eleven's tear-soaked shoulder, sending a red-hot glare over to Hopper. Her face was red, her eyes were puffy, and her lips were drawn down in a painful expression, one that almost said without words ' _ how could you say that to me? _ ' 

Hopper wet his lips as he looked down at the table, suddenly feeling as though eating breakfast was a mistake. The things that had just been brought to the light in the last ten minutes was enough to make him want to throw up, take a shower, and chain-smoke a few cigarettes. 

But he couldn't do that. He could hardly even look at the sob-wreaked and tear-streaked girl so urgently gripping at his daughter's shirt. 

Eleven didn't say a word as she held her friend. She simply squeezed her eyes shut and wished the embrace was under different circumstances, wished Max had stayed over under different circumstances. 

"He's right." Eleven softly whispered, pulling away from the hug so she could look Max in the eye. "We should go." She said, voice still soft and gentle.

Max shook her head rapidly, tightly closing her eyes as she squirmed from Eleven's hug. Although she hadn't eaten much breakfast, she- like Hopper- felt as though she could just about vomit

The rain of realization downpoured onto Max, causing her to stumble back slightly. What would happen to Neil if she did file a report? What would happen to her mom- would they move again? Fuck- what would happen to the house, the water, the electricity if Neil wasn't there to pay for half of it each month? 

Those questions flooded Max's mind, causing her to clench her jaw so tightly it gave her a headache. 

"I can't- I can't-  _ I can't _ -." Max said quickly, the words rapidly falling from her mouth, another sob causing her breath to hitch. The emotions she felt were unforgiving and powerful, much like that of a tornado. They were deadly. 

Hopper stood up, quickly walking over to Max in a few easy paces. He put his hands on her shoulders, essentially anchoring her down into their reality

"You  _ can _ , Max." He told her in a firm but still encouraging voice. 

Max shook her head, her chin trembling as an involuntary whimper escaped from between her lips

"Listen, we would drive down to the station, go into a small room, and I'd just ask you a few questions, Max. I swear on my life I will not let anything bad happen to you." Hopper told her as he searched her face for any sign of understanding, for any sign they would actually be able to do this

Max brought her hand to her face, wiping away tears from under her eyes, even though they continued to stream. The emotions she felt continued to stir, continued to hit, continued to hurt... But they were becoming  _ slightly  _ more manageable 

"Take a deep breath." Hopper said softly, giving her shoulders a gentle squeeze 

Max attempted to do as told, but her breath was hitched and shaky. It only made her feel as if she could cry more- but she didn't want to cry anymore. She didn't want to cry ever again.

Eleven watched from a few feet away, eyes glossy with concern like that of a mounted deer. She felt like she could just about cry- but she knew that would not help Max. All she wanted to do right now was help Max. 

Max hadn't ever felt this amount of raw emotion- this feeling of dread, of anger, of anxiety, all ripping into her at once

"I-I don't wanna go." She quickly muttered, her lips then pressing tightly together

Hopper looked down at her, frowning slightly. He wouldn't want to go either if he were in her position. But given what he knew about the way the world worked, he knew she just about had to go. 

"I know." He said quietly. "But... You won't see Neil. I promise you that." Hopper said, dropping his hands from her shoulders. "El will be there the whole time- and I'm sure you'll even be able to go home with Billy." He told her, then slightly regretting the words he said. Maybe she didn't want Eleven to be there- maybe she wouldn't want to go home...

Max took a breath in, one that was shaky but deep, and much needed. She swallowed hard, gaze dropping to the ground below. 

Her mouth opened as though she wanted to say something but couldn't find the words to formate it, closing and opening a few more times making her look like a fish out of water. 

Somewhere, deep down, she knew she couldn't just walk this off. She had just told the chief of police that her step-father raped her. She knew she couldn't just say 'no, I'm not going.' and leave it at that. 

Although she was incredibly stubborn in her ways, she was not all-powerful. If she were able to just say no and leave it at that, she wouldn't be in this situation- or any situation like this.

"Fine." She said weakly "...We'll go." 

. . . 

The ride to the station was uncomfortably silent, even with the radio playing softly in the background. Max had chosen to sit in the back behind Eleven, staring out of the window at the passing trees and white sky above. The sky wasn't as gloomy and grey as it had been yesterday, but the sun certainly wouldn't be making any appearances today. 

Thoughts and questions wormed their way through Max's mind, one worry after another, leaving her feeling ill and in need of water. 

What was tomorrow going to bring with it? When the sun goes down and Max is left with her thoughts, what will there be left to think about? 

She had absolutely no clue. All she truly knew was her fear for the future, her fear for that which she could not control. 

She truly felt trapped and out of control. She figured it was the same way a fly who was stuck on sticky tape must feel trapped and out of control. 

Max could occasionally feel Hopper glance back at her through the rear-view mirror, but she ignored him. If she ignored him, it made it easier to ignore the situation she was in.

It didn't take very long for the three to arrive at the station. As soon as they pulled in, the reality of Max's situation seemed to only be further realized. It left Max's heart thudding in the bad of her throat. 

Hopper parked and turned the car off, then turned back so he could face Max. "You ready?" He asked with a small smile 

Max made herself glance to him, sighing deeply. "I mean, do I really have a choice? So... I guess I am." She mumbled quietly 

"Alright- good. Let's get going then." Hopper turned back, going quiet for a few moments as he sat there. He knew this wasn't something you could really be prepared for. 

Eleven was the first to get out of the car, closing the door and beginning to walk to the door of the police station.

Hopper followed, alongside with a very reluctant Max.

She could already feel her chest tightening, her hands going cold and her mouth going dry. 

Hopper opened the door, holding it open for both Eleven and Max to walk inside. 

Max kept her eyes down on the dark, carpeted floor under her. Eleven was shoulder and shoulder with her as the two walked, far too close for comfort. She could feel El's gaze land on her. It only added to Max's feeling of discomfort.

"Mornin'." Hopper said to the desk lady- an older, dark-haired woman with large glasses- who simply a bit smiled and nodded in reply 

Hopper led the girls into his office, closing the door behind them. The dark room smelled strongly of old cigarette smoke and stale air, a smell that only made Max feel as though she needed to step outside 

"Alright-" Hopper said softly as he took a seat behind his desk, opening a drawer and retrieving a piece of paper. 

Max stood there, arms crossed over her chest as she watched Hopper. She knew she wasn't ready for this. 

Hopper slowly met her gaze, frowning a bit "Y'know, you can take a seat. We're probably gonna be here a while." He told her softly

"Oh, goodie," Max replied, sarcasm seeping from her pores. 

Hopper blinked blankly a few times before letting a soft sigh out. "Look, Max. I do want to help you." He told her softly. "But we need to work together." 

Max scoffed quietly, eyes dancing around the room. She needed to look at something that wasn't  _ him, _ that wasn't  _ her.  _

Eleven slowly stepped forward, taking a seat in front of Hopper's desk. She could feel just how tense the air in the room was becoming- just how uncomfortable it was. It surrounded all three of them tightly, much like an ill-fitted suit.

"Umm..." Hopper grabbed a pen from a drawer. He wrote something on the document he'd taken out before looking to Max "We can get started whenever you're ready, Max." He said. "Just... Know I need t-"

"Can I go outside for a moment?" Max asked, cutting the man off. "I need some fresh air and to walk around some..." She quickly added

Hopper frowned a bit but slowly shrugged "I mean... I don't see why not." He said, though he sounded unsure of himself. Maybe a break would be good for all of them. 

Eleven stood up as she saw Max heading for the door. 

"El- just stay here..." She said quietly. She actually wasn't very sure as to why Hopper allowed her to come with. In the time that the two girls had known each other, Hop had rarely ever let her out on her own.

Eleven paused a moment, looking to Hopper, then back to Max with a small frown of growing concern. She slowly sat back down, though, awkwardly crossing her arms over her chest 

Max didn't stay in that room much longer. She quickly walked out, loudly closing the door behind her. 

_ FUCK. _

Her emotions were becoming too toxic- she could feel them eating away, creating a thick, imaginary smoke that felt as though it was choking her. She could feel her heart thudding in her chest, could hear it in her ears. 

She rushed out of the station, taking a deep breath as soon as she stepped outside. 

Max knew she couldn't step back inside that station. 

She looked around a few times before beginning to walk on the sidewalk, hands tightly closed in a fist. She wished she was somewhere else, someone else, doing anything else. 

Why the fuck did Hopper actually think she was going to do that?

" _ Fuck _ ..." She mumbled quietly to herself as she looked at the cracks in the sidewalk- spotting the occasional sliver of grass growing from the cracks. 

She wished she could go back in time and fix what happened this morning... Would it be better if no-one knew of what Neil had been putting her through? Would it be better if she was back home, counting the hours until the sun fell behind the horizon? Would that cause less pain- less discomfort?

Max looked around as she jogged across the street, breeze combing through her hair as she did so. She wasn't even sure where she was going- but wherever she was going had to be better than that dim, smelly, little room

Max felt as though she could cry right then and there... but she refused. She felt like a shaken-up bottle of pop, ready to explode at just about any moment. But she knew she couldn't do that. She knew she'd have to wait. 

Her eyes were wide and slightly panicked as she continued to glance around, just to make sure Hopper hadn't come to look for her. 

She knew she couldn't just keep walking around- especially given the awkward part of town she was in. Starcourt was miles away, as was the arcade, and her house? Her house wasn't even an option. She didn't have anywhere she could go to just be. 

Maybe she should walk back to the station... It wasn't too late for that, right? She could say she felt ill- which wouldn't be a lie- and just say she wasn't ready to file the report today... but she knew she couldn't do that. She knew Hopper wouldn't want her to just leave it at that. He would probably even call Susan. 

God- She truly felt ill. She wasn't ready to do this- but she also couldn't run away from the station. For fuck's sake, the last thing she wanted was her mother to be called and told she was missing. 

Just as she began walking back, she spotted his car parked in a gas station parking lot. Steve Harrington. 

Steve was a good guy... Perhaps he would help. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright so- i think this is one of my worst chapters so far lmao.   
> to be fair though, this quarantine is really starting to fuck with my writing abilities 
> 
> anyway though, how have you been handling this whole covid quarantine? i hope y'all are well!   
> oh, & feel free to let me know what your thoughts are for this chapter :)


	7. love lie

Max stopped walking, biting down on her bottom lip as she contemplated going to him. Maybe she could say she needed to know where the rest of the gang was? From what Max could tell, Steve was a relatively nice dude. He would probably tell her what he knew. 

Max hesitated a few moments before quickly walking over to his car, spotting him inside. 

She stood there a few moments, looking at the man in a dark blue uniform. She hesitated before tapping on his window, causing him to jump before smiling confusedly as he rolled his looked to her, then rolling his window down 

"Oh- Uh... Hey, Max. What's up?" He asked, a frown slowly creeping onto his face, though he still had a friendly smile. He and Max were relative strangers, but pleasant strangers nonetheless.

Max glanced around a few times to make sure she didn't see any cop cars. She crossed her arms, giving herself a slightly protective self-hug. "I'm looking for my friends." She said, steely gaze landing on the man before her. 

"Uhh..." Steve shrugged "Well, I know Dustin's going to Starcourt. I'm sure the rest of the kids will follow." He said simply. "That's actually why I'm dressed up in uniform. Gotta go work." He added 

Max chewed her bottom lip as she listened to him speak. Her mouth opened, then closed. 

He paused momentarily as he examined Max's face. There was a small, purplish bruise hugging the skin of her cheekbone, and her eyes were slightly sunken. Not to mention how pale her skin looked- almost sickly. He could tell something was wrong- but was unsure if he was really in the position to ask exactly  _ what _ was wrong 

"So umm... I gotta get going." He said, turning the car's key until the car turned on.

"Can I come with?" Max asked, a blunt edge hinting in her voice. "I just need to talk with Lucas. And I'm a bit too far to walk." She added, again glancing around. Steve could tell she was anxious about something, but he couldn't exactly say anything about it- hell, he didn't even know what she could have to be so worried about

"I mean... I guess?" He said, wrist draping relaxedly over the steering wheel. This whole interaction felt off in an almost indescribable way. "But I won't be able to drive you home." He added, almost instantly regretting saying so. He thought it made him sound a bit dickish- which wasn't what he was trying to come off as.

A very small smile pulled at the edges of Max's lips. "Thanks." She said quickly before walking around the car, opening the passenger's door before getting in. 

Inside, the car smelled of leather and... hairspray? 

Max was beginning to do that masking thing again- the one where she'd hide her true feelings. 

Steve glanced over to her once she got in. She had the slightly ruffled aspect of a sea-bird that was blown off its course- far different from the usual, confident girl he'd seen. 

He had been staring long enough to make Max look over to him, frowning with a slightly pinched expression. 

Steve quickly looked away, sighing softly as he put the car into reverse, beginning to back out of the parking space 

"You alright, Max?" Steve asked, glancing over to her again as he put the car into drive 

"Why wouldn't I be?" She asked. She learned answering questions with another question was a good way to get someone to back off- but it wasn't fool-proof 

Steve shrugged "I dunno... Something just seems... off." He said quietly, testing the waters of what he could get away with saying. He knew Max had a feisty personality, given he'd witnessed it first-hand, so he knew he couldn't exactly be up-front when saying 'You have a bruised cheekbone and a busted lip. You look like shit. What the hell happened?'

Max sighed through her nose, looking out of the window as Steve pulled onto the street. "Nothing's  _ off. _ Today's just been... kind of weird. That's all." She said simply, which only raised more questions from Steve, questions that would go unspoken. 

"Why were you just walking around?" Steve asked, his voice friendly and genuinely curious. It only annoyed Max.

Max shifted in her seat, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She was beginning to feel like she was being interrogated- which only created an agitated tenseness in her muscles. She'd been asked enough questions for today. In fact, she felt like she'd answered enough questions for a lifetime. 

"Okay then." Steve mumbled to himself as he realized Max wasn't going to answer. He turned the radio on, a Talking Heads song softly playing whilst the two drove 

Max's mind began to race again. What if Hopper had already called her mother? God- would her mom even believe him? Would her mom actually believe Neil was capable of something so evil? 

The thoughts were enough to make Max feel slightly dizzy. There was a newer emotion worming its way around her mind. 

_Hopelessness._

What was once only a pinch of an ingredient in the stew that was Max's mind felt as though it was now a whole bucket of hopelessness full thrown in. 

It was a disgusting feeling- a feeling of rotten milk and bathroom floors. 

"Hey-Hey, are you okay?" Steve asked again with a frown as he diligently watched his passenger, concern creeping his way onto his face. It was apparent to him that this day was more than just 'weird'. 

Max didn't look at him. She kept her eyes on the road before them, beginning to nip at the inside of her cheek.

"I'm fine, Steve. Like I said earlier." Max replied, and although she tried to hide it, her tone was pinched and slightly bothered

"Well-" Steve stopped himself, tightening his grip on the steering wheel momentarily. He wanted to say how her bruised cheekbone and split lip told a different story- one that absolutely didn't say 'fine'. 

"' _ Well' _ what? I told you I'm fine and I mean it." She replied quickly, crossing her arms over her chest. God- That overly floral but also alcoholic hairspray smell felt like it was clinging to the back of her throat

Steve sighed through his nose, deciding to drop it. He knew Max was tough. He also knew he wasn't going to get any answers out of her without severely annoying her.

Max turned away from him slightly so she could better face the window- better face anything that  _ wasn't _ Steve fucking Harrington- the boy who was kind but who said stupid things sometimes, the boy who could read others relatively well, the boy who sometimes didn't know when to shut the actual fuck up.

That boy. 

. . . 

The drive to Starcourt didn't take as long as Max had expected. Thankfully, the ride also didn't involve any more speaking than absolutely necessary. 

"Hey- Wait- Max, I just wanna let you know... you uh..." Steve hesitated a moment, leaning on his car with his arms crossed as he watched the redhead begin to walk away 

Max stopped walking, sighing dramatically as she turned to face him. What more was there left to say? She'd already said thanks for the ride. 

"If something is wrong- you like, know you can tell me- right?" Steve asked. He looked more than uncomfortable- eyes dancing around to different cars in the parking lot, arms protectively crossed over his chest 

"Got it." Max said simply, sarcastically giving him a thumbs up with a rather forced smile. 

"Okay... Okay, good." Steve said softly. 

Max sighed before turning away on her heels, beginning again on her walk into the mall. That whole interaction made her want to mentally scream. 

As soon as she was met with the welcomed coolness inside the mall, she felt her shoulders drop. 

She ran a hand through her hair, looking around as she began walking. She probably shouldn't have come to Starcourt. 

For one, she had no money to buy literally anything. Oh, and she was technically running away from the law. The situation was fucked. 

She wasn't even sure if she would actually want to see her friends- or if she could even fake a smile well enough to be around them. 

That didn't stop her from continuing to walk around, taking in just how many people there was in the mall. She didn't even realize that many people lived in Hawkins to begin with. 

She chewed on her bottom lip for a few moments as she walked before deciding to go into a small but pungently alcoholic perfume store. There wasn't any harm in just looking- plus, this store barely had anyone in it. 

Max picked up a small bottle of perfume, examining it carefully. It was a pink glass-bottle, one with little pink and red hearts decorated all around it. A small smile tugged at the ends of her lips. It looked like something Lucas would have bought her. 

"Maxine? What are you doing here?" 

Fuck. Susan.

Max felt her mouth go dry, felt her heart suddenly begin thudding around wildly in her chest like a caged bird.

"M-Mom?" Max softly asked, turning to see her frowning mother with one hand on her hip and a bag in her other. 

"Where in the world have you been? I-" She hesitated a moment, eyes going glossy momentarily "-Have been looking for you all day." She finally said. She began to mirror the pale face her daughter had. 

"I just-" Max felt her hand clenching around the bottle of perfume "... I slept over El's house." She said simply

Susan stopped herself before speaking again, swallowed, and nodded. "I see." She softly replied. 

Max felt ill. She felt as though she could just about cry and scream and punch and curse... But she couldn't. She absolutely could not. 

"I'm sorry... if I scared you, Mom." Max said softly, feeling the words as though they were buzzing in her mind. She wasn't truly sorry. 

Susan just smiled, though her eyes were sad. "It's okay, honey. I'm..." She took a deep breath, her smile failing her with a twitch at the lips "Sorry about last night. Everything was just so... Hectic." She said softly. 

What Susan  _ meant _ but failed to say was 'I'm sorry I left you and didn't even bother to check on you and make sure you're alive. I'm sorry I'm not actually here looking for you. I'm sorry.' 

"It's fine, mom. I mean- It was nice to sleep over El's house."  _ Lie. _

Susan smiled just a bit before nodding "That's good, hun... Maybe you could.." She stopped herself a moment "Maybe you could see if you could sleep over there again tonight? Neil is..." Her breath hitched "Well... He has a concussion, a bruised rib, and a broken nose..."

Max's eyes threw stabbing daggers at her mother- a glare so harsh and cold it almost felt unnatural. It was obvious to Max, though, that her mom didn't know all that happened last night. 

"Honey- I-" Susan noticed the glare almost immediately. "Max, don't be selfish. Neil was really hurt last night." Her mother scolded with a hurt frown 

" _ 'Selfish' _ ?" Max repeated "Fine, Mom, you're right. I'm being selfish. While you're out shopping for God  _ knows _ what, I'm definitely the one being selfish!" She snapped, glancing her harsh glare to the bag her mom was holding

"Maxine! You can't be serious. I'm not here shopping for myself- I'm here shopping for Neil! His clothes were too bloody for him to go home in!" Susan said quickly. It was the truth, yes, but it was the absolute last thing she wanted to hear.

Max rolled her eyes, turning and slamming the perfume down in its original place. She mentally kicked herself, realizing just how hard she'd slammed the perfume down. If they hadn't been already, people were definitely looking now

"Max- Listen. I didn't mean to leave you- It's just Neil really needed me, honey." She said, walking closer to her daughter. Susan put a gentle hand on her shoulder- one which she quickly shrugged away 

"Whatever, mom. You should probably just go back to Neil." Max mumbled, toxic anger lacing her words. She couldn't give a fuck even if she tried about why her mom left. The fact was that her mom did leave- that she chose that sick bastard over her own daughter. How could Neil possibly have needed her more than Max did?

An expression of hurt washed across Susan's face. She stepped back slightly

"Neil will be getting out of the hospital tomorrow or the next day after that..." Susan said softly. "Just so you know, we will be having a family talk soon." The older redhead said softly. How fucking dense was Susan? How much didn't she know?

Max felt that prick of pain stab itself into her heart. She wished for Neil to never leave the hospital- wished for him to have a heart attack or a brain aneurysm- anything that meant she didn't have to see him again. Was that  _ selfish _ ?

"Whatever, Mom." Max replied, looking to her mother. "I need to go." 

Susan frowned "Max, don't be like this." She said softly. 

"Be like what? Be  _ selfish _ ? 'Cause that's what I'm trying not to be- ya know, by letting you go do whatever it is you need to do." Max quickly growled 

Susan's mouth fell open. What the hell did she do for Max to be so angry at her? This must be more than her staying the night with Neil in the hospital, right? 

"You know I didn't mean it like that." Susan told her daughter calmly 

Max scoffed, a cold smile pulling to her lips. What made her mom think she cared about what it was she meant?

"Okay, mom. Sure. Fine. Whatever. I'm pretty sure the movie I'm here to see is about to start so I have to go." She simply lied. Anything to get her out of this situation. 

Susan looked down a moment before nodding. "I umm... Well, we're in Fairview Hospital, room 203." She told her daughter. Max's eyes turned steely. 

"I just... I'm sure Neil would be happy to see you." Susan said, offering a small smile. 

"Oh... kay?" Max finally said, a specific biting annoyance shadowed in her voice. "Mom... I really gotta... But maybe I'll visit."  _ Obvious lie. _

Susan simply smiled, nodding "Alright, hun." Susan paused a moment, searching her daughter's face. She'd only just truly noticed the bruise that hugged Max's cheekbone, the cresents that hung from under her eyes.

"I love you, honey." The woman finally said, small smile soft and sweet

"I love you too."  _ Lie. _


	8. memories

_"I am alone in possessing a key to this barbarous sideshow." - Arthur Rimbaud_

Susan slowly turned away, looking as though she had more she wanted to add. She had the 'mothers instinct', though her instincts were hardly motherly- even though she did try

Max watched her mom carefully as she walked out of the perfume store. The whole interaction the two had just had was enough to make Max want to kick a hole in a wall. 

Fuck, how ignorant was her mother? Could she really not see just how terrible Max looked? She gave birth to her- brought her into this world, how the  _ fuck _ could she not have cared enough to even have asked?

Max didn't know.

All she knew for certain was that she was getting a rather pounding headache. 

Her brain felt like mush- the stresses and worries from the morning mixed with the conversation she had just had was enough of a toxic cocktail to make Max want a cocktail.

Running a hand through her hair, Max looked around the store. People- mostly workers- were still sending her the occasional glance- glances with a hint of... annoyance? Or maybe curiosity? Whatever it was in their eyes, it was enough to make Max walk from the store with her gaze to the ground.

She and Susan hadn't always been like this. They were actually rather close at one point... before the divorce. At one point, they were even a good family. 

Then, Neil had to ruin it all. 

It obviously wasn't ever said out loud specifically to Max, but Max knew (mostly via overhearing fights between her mother and father) that Susan had cheated with Neil. That was the thing that caused the family to break apart. 

Max had spent many nights staring at the ceiling, trying to make faces out of the shadows while she thought about the curse that was Neil Hargrove. Wondering (fantasizing about) how different her life would be if Neil wasn't ever apart of it. 

What was Max to do now? She couldn't go home. The thought of that place was enough to make her stomach tighten and her mouth go dry. She couldn't face her friends- not now... She couldn't smile and pretend things were alright. And she definitely couldn't go back to Hopper- because fuck... that meant opening a whole can of worms Max had no interest in 

Maybe... the library? 

Max rarely went to the library unless it was for a school project- but it was a good place to hide given the air conditioning, free bottled water, the endless books... and it was a place she would never be expected to go. 

She knew she couldn't keep hiding- not even if she wanted to. She knew El could find her if she really put her mind to it, even though she had spoken with Eleven before about  _ not _ using her powers on her. 

Max hesitated a moment before starting on her way back out of the still incredibly busy mall. 

Mixed conversations cut into with the occasional biting sound of laughter filled the atmosphere that surrounded Max, making it all the more headache-inducing.

_ "What was this day turning out to be?" _

That question squirmed around in Max's mind, making itself well known. She had no answers- not now. Was this going to be one of those days- one of those memories that become imprinted in one's being? A memory that rides in calmly when the moon is high and there's no sleep to be found, a memory that rips and shreds and tears until its all you can think about?

Max sincerely hoped this wasn't the case. She hoped for this day to be one never looked back onto- to be one that blends into the boring everyday existence, one easily forgotten. 

Somewhere, deep down, she knew this wasn't the case. She knew this day to be something  _ other _ \- something she couldn't ever name.

Max weeded her way through the mall and back to the front doors, which she walked out of quickly. 

The air met her skin with an unwelcomed warmth- air that felt suffocating and thick. 

_ "At least the sun isn't out." _ Max thought to herself as she gaze up to the sky, beginning on her walk to the sidewalk of the main street. 

But goodness- did that icky feeling find a way to worm its way back into Max's being. The one that made her take showers that burnt her skin, the one that made her take ice cold baths, the one that made her go days without wanting to eat. The one that only ever wanted to harm.

As she walked, looking down to the newly paved Starcourt sidewalk, she couldn't help but wish she'd never come to Hawkins. That absolutely isn't to say that she wouldn't miss her friends. The wish, as selfish as it may appear, had nothing to do with them and almost everything to do with what it was she left behind in California. 

Movie nights filled with classic horrors, mornings waking up to the smell of bacon cooking, getting coconut ice cream at Honey Hut. 

She missed her dad. 

Sam Mayfield was a kind man. He was goofy, charming, and absolutely loved being a dad. He always treated Max as though she was her own person capable of making her own decisions- something Susan rarely ever did. 

As memories of her father came- the way he loved to cook, the fact he was a pretty damn good artist, the way he adored animals- Max found her hands ball into tight fists, her nails digging into her palm as she tried to manage the wild thoughts the best she could. 

She hated thinking about her dad. Thinking of him felt like a broken record doomed to forever reply. Thinking about him meant acknowledging the fact she wasn't there with him, and just how much better it would be if she were. 

. . . 

The walk to the library didn't take very long, but the summer heat made it feel far longer than it actually was. Sweat shimmered on Max's forehead, her thick hair slightly frizzy from the humidity. 

As soon as Max walked in, she felt relief and comfort was over her- the A/C being more than welcomed. 

"Hello there," An older, grey-haired librarian greeted with a warm smile from behind her desk. 

"Hey," Max said softly, smiling just a bit as she glanced around the library. She wasn't really up for conversation in this given moment. 

"There's some water over there-" The librarian pointed a long, wrinkled finger to a sign that read 'free water' in large, capital letters. Under the sign, there was a closed blue cooler. "Help yourself if you want some!" 

Max nodded, mumbling a quick thanks as she walked over to the cooler. Coldwater sounded fantastic right about n-

"Max?" 

Max paused, feeling her hands suddenly become far colder as she slowly turned to her left. There stood a curly-haired boy with a bright smile and two books under his arms. 

Dustin. 

_ Fuck.  _

Max knew Mike and Lucas had been talking about throwing some kind of surprise party for Dustin when he came home- but she didn't realize he would be home so soon

Dustin walked closer, a curious glint growing in his eye. "What are you doin' here?" He asked, his tone friendly 

"Oh- Uh.. Just wanted to know the history of skatebording. Stupid stuff, I know." Max replied cooly with a small smile. Fuck- that felt like an obvious lie. 

"How was uh... Camp Nowhere?" The only reason Max knew the name of the camp was because Dustin would not shut up about it for a solid two weeks before leaving 

"It was awesome!" Dustin exclaimed with a bright smile, the kind that made his eyes slightly squinty and his cheeks round "I learned a whole buncha' stuff there." 

Max nodded, crossing her arms. "That's nice." She quickly replied

She wasn't interested in talking to Dustin- not now... But Dustin wasn't the type of person you could just walk away from, not without feeling as though you had just kicked a puppy. 

"Have you seen Mike or Lucas by any chance? They haven't at all picked up and- I dunno." He said, voice growing slightly softer. "They aren't pissed about something, right? I was just about to leave for Starcourt to look for them."

Max frowned before shaking her head. "No- I don't uhh, I don't think they're mad or anything... But I'm sure Starcourt would be a safe bet." She said. God- this whole conversation felt so forced from her. 

Dustin sent her another smile. "Wanna come there with me?" He asked. 

"Oh- huh, I can't. My mom wants me home in an hour or so."  _ Lie. _

It felt wrong lying, but Max wasn't about to spend the day with the gang, especially not if Eleven was going to be there- which she probably would be. 

Dustin didn't seem to notice the lie, though. He simply shrugged and nodded, accepting her untruth with ease. "Okay, but if you do wanna come with-" He patted his walkie talkie, which was clipped through a belt loop on his pants "Just call."

Max forced a small smile before nodding "Will do." She said simply. 

Dustin flashed her yet another smile before beginning to walk away- to the older librarian that'd first spoken to Max. There, he'd get the books he held signed out

Max slowly tore her eyes from the curly-haired boy and to a long isle of books, which she decided to walk down. It was a horror section- most of the books being some variant of grey, whether dark or light, with bold text proudly stating the books name. 

She felt her muscles begin to grow less tense, not even having realized they were so tight to begin with. Goodness. She was beginning to feel like she wasn't even in control of herself- certainly she wasn't in control of her thoughts. 

It was now when she realized she wanted nothing more than to be away- to be  _ home. _ But home wasn't available. 

Did Max even have a home?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodness   
> i have no idea where im taking this story, but im just enjoying the ride so far haha 
> 
> let me know what you think of it :)


	9. blue black

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy! so just a little heads up, i've decided to put a schedule to this story :)   
> i'll be updating every friday with the occasional spontaneous update thrown in.   
> just thought i should mention!

Max chewed the bottom of her lip as she slowly walked down the aisle. There was a familiar feeling of sinking returning to her chest- the same feeling she felt when she saw Neil standing in the doorway to her bedroom or when she felt him grab her from behind. It was a feeling of helplessness.

_ Fuck. _ An intrusive thought washed over Max's mind. 

What if last night hadn't ever happened? What if she didn't decide to fight back? Would it be better if she hadn't run to Billy for help? 

As much as Max disliked thinking about what could be changed about the past, she still couldn't stop herself from doing so. 

Fantasizing about what could have been is far easier than excepting what actually is. 

Everything was so much better when it was just Max and her dad, Sam. He was a wonderful man. He loved Max more than anything on this planet. Perhaps that was why he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye when she and the Hargrove's finally left for Hawkins. 

Max looked down at the dark blue carpeting. She, just then, realized how she wasn't in control of anything. Was anyone really?

Neil was a terrible man, and he should pay for what he's done, but if that means having to come forward about what happens when the sun set behind the hills... would it really be worth it? Would Susan even believe her? Would he even see a  _ day _ in prison? 

To Max, the answer to all of those questions was a solid, cold 'no'- even if that was the wrong answer. The simple thought about going back to the station to tell Hopper all that had happened was enough to make her feel physically ill

Buzzing anxiety began filling Max's chest. She couldn't live her life like this! Fuck- Was this even a life? Was there anything more than just pain- or was that all life was? 

Max didn't know. But the rich smell of old books that surrounded her was enough to make her feel a chill go down her spine, followed by a strong wave of nausea

Quickly, Max untied the flannel from around her chest, shouldering it on as she began walking to the library's exit. 

"Find anything you'd like to check out?" The grey-haired woman softly asked 

"Oh- No." Max replied, sending a glance to the woman before swiftly opening the door to the library, walking out.

The humidity in the air had calmed ever so slightly, so when Max got outside, it wasn't such an assault on her lungs.

She trotted down the library's stairs and to the sidewalk below, legs quickly moving as she walked. She just needed to get away- to be alone and somewhere else. 

She wanted to scream. She wanted to throw bottles at trees. She wanted to kick rocks as hard as she possibly could. She wanted to  _ drink _ . 

Of course, Max, who was only a fourteen year old, had never actually gotten drunk before. She'd taken small sips from her dad's beer before (with his permission, of course) only to immediately pull away in disgust- unable to comprehend how her dad could possibly even want to drink such a thing 

But... the idea of being able to drink something that made you feel funny was appealing. She'd seen a drunken Billy stumble into the house late at night... more memorably, she'd seen a drunken Neil stumble onto her bed. 

Max knew alcohol could change a person. It wouldn't be outlandish to say she wanted to be changed. 

Max had already felt as though she had suffered some chemical change of the spirit, as if the acid balance of her psyche had shifted in a way that'd begun to leach the life out of her in ways impossible to repair. Maybe alcohol would help her feel more normal- more like her old self. 

As she walked, her gaze danced around from the street to the vibrantly green summer grass littered with the occasional weed. 

She knew Susan always kept wine hidden away in a cupboard. She also knew Neil kept vodka in the freezer, which Billy wasn't ever stupid enough to drink. He knew what would happen if he even touched the bottle of his father's alcohol. 

Max ran a hand through her hair, sighing deeply through her nose. What the hell was she thinking? She shouldn't even be thinking about drinking alcohol! 

But... To be fair, a lot of things  _ shouldn't _ be happening. Hell, a lot of things shouldn't have happened. Is contemplating drinking a glass of wine or taking a shot of vodka the worst Maxine Mayfield could do? If so... was that even that bad? 

Before Max could finish her thought, she heard a truck pull up next to her. Immediately, she felt dread build in her stomach. 

"Maxine?!" A man yelled from his window, causing Max to stop in her tracks.

_ Fucking hell.  _ Of course Hopper would find her. 

Max turned to see a familiar, light brown truck with two familiar faces inside. Both Eleven and Hopper were watching Max with concerned frowns, though Hopper's frown was considerably angrier. 

Throwing the car into park, Hopper ignored the face he was on a main road. He was the chief of police, after all. 

Getting quickly from his car, he looked to Eleven and told her to stay put. 

"Where the hell have you been, Max? I've been looking all over!" Hopper told the redhead as he walked over to her, arms angrily crossed over his chest 

"I just-" Max felt the words catch in her throat, could hear her heart beating in her ears. 

"I needed some air- Like I told you." She said, attempting to sound calm and collected

Hopper scoffed lowly, looking around a moment as he uncrossed his arms, putting his hands on his hips. Max could tell he was upset... But she didn't know why.

"El got worried." He finally said, bringing his dark gaze to meet her light one. 'Worried' was an understatement. Eleven had gotten incredibly anxious when she realized Max had left.

"I'm... Sorry? I..." Max cleared her throat, looking down to the ground. Fuck. She was caught.  _ FUCK _ . 

"I didn't want to talk about  _ it _ . And I still don't. So can you just drop it?" She asked, anger pushing its way forward in her tone 

Hopper frowned before shaking his head

"No, Max. This isn't something you just  _ drop. _ This is serious." 

" _ And _ ? I don't care how serious it is! I said I don't want to talk about it!" Max said, raising her voice. She glared at the man before her.

She heard the passenger door open and close. There, behind Hopper, stood a concerned-looking Eleven.

"Hey! That's-" Hopper stopped himself, trying his best to not get upset. He knew she wouldn't want to talk about what happened to her, because  _ fuck _ , who would want to talk about something that terrible? 

"Listen... Just get in the car." Hopper finally said. He noticed Eleven walk next to him. 

"We don't have to go back to the station, but you can't be left alone." He told Max, who was still throwing daggers with her eyes. 

"So what? I'm not going with you, and you can't make me." Max bit her tongue at how childish her words sounded. They sounded as though they were directly quoting a tantrum-throwing toddler... But they did get her point across. She didn't want to do with him and he couldn't make her. 

"You're coming with, Max. This isn't debatable." Hopper finally said. His tone was low but strong. It was a command. There wasn't any room for it to have been anything else. 

Max could tell he wasn't messing around. Her eyes thinned, growing more steely as she stared at the man before her. 

"M-Max, he's right. Just come with." A soft voice mumbled from Hopper's side 

Max looked over to Eleven. The girl before her looked so concerned, so loving. Why Eleven cared so greatly for Max, she would never know. But it was appreciated, and it did make Max feel good to know she was so cared for. 

"If I come with," Max looked to Hopper "we won't be talking about what happened. I just- I don't want to talk about that." She said quickly. She hated this trapped feeling. 

Hopper smiled just a bit before nodding "Alright. We don't have to talk about anything you don't wanna talk about."

There was a moment of silence, one which made Max feel uncomfortable. She could feel both Hopper and El watching her. 

"So uhh, ya' hungry?" Hopper finally asked. His tone was chirpier, far less dark than it had previously been. His mood was lightening, which was a good thing.

He turned on his heels and started walking to the car "I know I am. I'm planning on getting some McDonald's or something, sound good to you two?" He asked, glancing back at the two girls as he walked

Eleven didn't meet Hopper's gaze given her back was still turned to him. Instead, she continued looking at Max. Sighing with a hint annoyance, Max finally started to follow Hopper to the car. 

"McDonald's is fine." She said simply as she got into the backseat of the truck. In reality, she didn't give a damn what food they decided on eating. She wasn't even hungry to begin with. With all that had happened today, food simply wasn't something Max had any interest in. 

Hopper nodded as he too got into the truck. He glanced over to Eleven, who had gotten into the passenger's seat. "You alright with McDonald's? I'll letcha both get an ice cream cone, if you'd want one." He told her, glancing back to Max 

Eleven smiled faintly and nodded, buckling up. The girl had an absolutely humungous sweet tooth. Her love for sugary things was rivaled (just barely) by her love for Eggo waffles. On more than one occasion, Hopper had found Eleven up at midnight snacking on ice cream or some candy bar.

Max looked out of her window. Her blue eyes were darker now; stormier. She was thinking. Her plans- well, fantasies- to get drunk were obviously spoiled now. There wasn't a way in hell she'd be able to sneak a drink now that she was with the damn Chief of Police, no less. 

Why did Max feel like she wanted to cry? Why did she also feel like she wanted to scream and punch and kick? Why did she feel like life was just... nothingness? Was this normal or should she be concerned? 

These questions flooded her brain, one question pouring in after the other. They made it harder to breathe- as if someone or something was on her chest. 

Hopper didn't seem to notice Max's souring mood. If he did notice, he ignored it. Probably the smart thing to do, right? He knew Max was already pissed off to begin with (rightfully so), and he didn't want to do anything that could further upset her. 

Silence fell over the truck, but it didn't last for long. Hopper turned on the radio, some Dolly Parton song softly playing through the speakers. The music made for a comfortable barrier. 

Although it certainly wasn't something Max would ever listen to in her free time, the music made it surprisingly easier for Max to ignore the situation she was in.

. . . 

The ride to McDonald's didn't take very long, which was both a blessing and a curse for Max. The whole ride, she could feel both Hopper and Eleven occasionally stealing glances directed at her. It made a deep, foggy emotion she couldn't quite name. It was more complex than annoyance- like a cocktail of different emotions mixed in, eventually becoming its own new emotion. It was a heavy, blue-black nameless ache.

Hopper parked the car, turning to Eleven. "I think it would be better if you stayed inside." 

Eleven turned to him and frowned "Why?" She asked softly 

"Well..." Hopper went quiet a moment "I just think it would be safer. I won't take long in there- less than five minutes." 

Eleven looked away and to the dashboard in front of her. Her lips pursed slightly. She could have expected this to happen, but expectations still don't make things any easier to accept. 

Hopper unbuckled, looking back to Max. "So uh, what do you two want to eat?" He asked, glancing between the two girls.

"Nothing. I'm fine." Max said simply. She didn't even bother looking at Hopper as she spoke. Hopper wanted to say something about how it wasn't healthy to not eat, but he was sure she already knew that. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

"A burger and a pop." Eleven said softly. She, too, didn't look to Hopper.

Hopper sighed softly but nodded. "I'll uh... Be back." He said, getting out of the car. 

"Lock the doors, El." He instructed before closing the door, standing there until Eleven did as told. As soon as he saw her press the lock key down, he left them.

As soon as Hopper walked into the McDonald's, Eleven turned around in her seat so she could peek back at Max. 

"Where did you go?" El asked. She was genuinely curious, reasonably so. She wanted to talk to Max about why she left and where she went. 

Max brought a cold gaze to meet Eleven's soft one. "Just around." She replied. It seemed to be becoming more and more common for Max to not be in the mood to have a conversation. This was one of those times. 

Eleven didn't turn back to properly sit in her seat. She continued staring at Max, searching her face. 

"Did something happen?" The brunette timidly asked. She could tell something was wrong- more than just the situation the two girls were in. 

Max clenched her jaw. How could she properly express "My mother doesn't give a fuck about my existence and would much rather care for her abusive husband over her abused daughter" without wanting to throw something through the car's window

"If..." Eleven went quiet a moment. She took a shaky breath in before continuing. "If something did happen, you can tell me." 

"I already said I don't want to talk about it." Max said. "Fuck, El, I don't even want to talk right now! So can you just quit it?" 

Far more anger came off in her tone than Max had intended... but it did get Eleven to turn around and grow silent. Max absolutely hated feeling that she was being interrogated- especially if it was by someone she cared about. 

Sometimes, it's easier to pretend you're alright rather than actually facing the facts. That was a lesson Max had learned long ago.

"God, what's taking him so long..." Max mumbled to herself as she looked out of the window, even though it hadn't even been a full two minutes. She felt that blue-black ache beginning to return- only stronger this time. 

Today was insufferable. 


	10. vodka fantasies

Hopper had returned to the car only ten minutes later. He had three brown bags and three drinks, each one filled with their own meal. He'd figured Max would get hungry at some point, which justified his spending. 

The ride home had been a long one- at least for Max, that is. It seemed Hopper and Eleven didn't even notice. Hopper hummed along to whatever tune playing on the radio, El silently looking out of the windshield. 

Max couldn't even explain the reasoning behind Hopper's humming or Eleven's silence getting under her skin- it just did. It caused her to glare out of the window, occasionally running her nail over the joint of her thumb, causing a short-lived but sharp spike of pain.

Why was today going by so slowly? The clock said it was 3:24 pm, but it felt like it was far later. The smell of the burgers and fries slowly wafting around the car was also beginning to make Max feel nauseous.

"I need to go to my house to pick up some clothes." Max finally mumbled, keeping her gaze stubbornly outside at the passing trees

"Oh?" Hopper said. He glanced back to her in the rear-view. "Well... alright." Was this- just maybe-progress? If she was admitting she would be staying with them for a few days, that's a good thing, right? It would mean she may become more comfortable around him- which could lead to her explaining all that had happened- which definitely was a good thing. 

Max didn't reply to him. She pulled at a loose thread on the sleeve of her flannel as she looked outside. 

How had she gotten here?

The question was invasive and uncalled for- but it did make Max wonder what shitty little thing had happened that lead to her being in this particular moment in life. 

Max believed in cause and effect- because that's something that made sense to her. So what wrong turn had she made that resulted in this? How different would her life have been if Sam had won custody- or fuck- if he and Susan hadn't gotten a divorce in the first place?

All Max wanted to do now was take a shower- preferably one that was as hot as possible. Then, maybe she could think in silence- just her. Only her. 

The three in the car had been closer to Max's house than she had expected. They pulled onto a familiar-looking street, with familiar-looking trees and familiar-looking houses. 

Max felt her chest grow a little tighter, her leg beginning an uneasy bounce. When she walked into that house, what would be seen? 

And... this was an off question, but it had somehow wormed its way into Max's mind. 

Why hadn't Susan just come home to get Neil's clothes? Well, it was because Neil didn't want his wife to see the hole in the wall- rimmed with dark, now dried blood- where his son had beat the everliving  _ fuck _ out of him. So he insisted on buying new, _ fresh _ clothes (along with a toothbrush and deodorant), with his lovely credit card.

Oh... there it was. Max's house, getting closer until Hopper parked in front. The place where so many horrific and traumatizing things had occurred. That fucking place. If only the walls could talk. 

Max got out of the car but stopped just as her foot touched the ground. "El- you can just stay here." She said. She knew the brunette would probably want to come in with her- but for whatever reason, Max didn't want El in there with her. 

Eleven frowned slightly, turning around in her seat so she could face Max. "Are you sure?" She asked softly. 

"Yeah. I'll be in and out- less than ten minutes." Max said, now getting completely out of the truck and closing the door. That was the end of their little conversation. 

_ "He isn't there. It's fine." _ Max had thought to herself- though that hardly did any good. Sometimes, even if a person wasn't in a place, you could still feel the ghost of their presence. Hopefully... this wouldn't be one of those times. 

Max began walking up to the house, running a hand through her hair as she did so. It's fine. This is absolutely fine. It's just a house, an empty one at that. It can't hurt you.

She paused for a quick moment, reaching the front porch. A small sigh escaped her lips as she walked up to the front door, kneeling down so she could grab the spare key hidden away under a cement frog. She could feel Eleven's eyes watching her, probably with a concerned expression. 

Standing up now with the small silver key in hand and the frog back in its rightful place, she unlocked the door, pushing it open. 

The house seemed so strange being completely empty like this- to be so very silent. Usually, the tv was on or Billy was loudly playing music. Hell- the damn place felt  _ haunted _ . But Max didn't let that icky feeling stop her from walking in. 

She walked quickly, too, trying to get in her room as swiftly as possible without looking around at the scattered memories of last night that surrounded her... But it was hard to ignore the broken wedding picture on the ground right in front of Max's door- surrounded by sparkling shards of broken glass. 

Whatever. Max didn't dwell too long in the hallway, walking straight into her room. 

The silence in her room felt heavy. It made her steps feel completely too loud- it made her notice how strange it was she couldn't hear anyone cutting their grass or any birds singing. It made for a very specific feeling of foul uncertainty. 

She went to her dresser, getting out pants, underwear, shirts, socks, and any other clothing she might want or need. She wasn't sure exactly how long she would be staying with Hop and El, but she knew it wouldn't be any more than four or so days, so there wasn't any need to pack too heavily. 

Max used last years bookbag to put everything into- stopping only to grab her toothbrush from the bathroom and a comic book from her nightstand, both of which were of equal importance in her life. One kept her clean while the other made her feel cleaner. 

And then she remembered the vodka in the freezer. 

Maybe that was a bad idea though- right? A fourteen-year-old shouldn't even be thinking about drinking alcohol... but, then again, a lot of things shouldn't happen to fourteen-year-olds, and yet they still do. 

Quickly zipping it up just enough so clothes wouldn't fall out, she tossed the bag onto one shoulder and walked from her room, closing the door behind her. 

Completely ignoring the hole in the wall and the photo on the ground, she walked into the kitchen and up to the fridge, pausing temporarily with her hand on the handle of the freezer. 

This was her moment to make the potentially right decision- to just walk away and forget about the alcohol, stealing, and underage drinking.

But... if it's in your house, is it really stealing? And if no one knows about it, how bad could underage drinking be if it only happens once? 

Apparently, it couldn't have been too bad, considering Max opened the freezer, took hold of the bottle of vodka (which had made her hands uncomfortably cold), and placed said bottle into her bag before zipping it up completely. 

Max smiled just the tiniest bit to herself. Her heart was quickly beating, a quick, energetic excitement pulsing through her veins. 

Tomorrow, considering it was a work-day for the lovely Chief, was certainly going to be an interesting one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feel free to tell me your thoughts on this chapter :)


	11. vodka water

The day began to get a move on once Max arrived at the cabin. It wasn't still any longer- now, it felt like things were moving faster. 

Max had placed her bag of things away in El's room, then beginning to munch on some of the fries Hopper had bought her while she sat on the couch with Eleven. Even though she wasn't actually hungry, she figured it'd give her something to do that  _ wasn't _ talking.

Hopper had disappeared into his own room, taking his bag of food with him. He needed to be alone with his thoughts. He needed to find a way to get Max to comfortably admit what happened with Neil the other night without overstepping his boundaries- which would definitely be difficult to do. 

In the living room area, the television played Jem and the Holograms, a show which both Eleven and Max were actually pretty fond of.

Even though El enjoyed the show, she couldn't stop herself from stealing concerned glances over to Max. Max, who stubbornly refused to return said glances, simply continued popping one fry into her mouth after the other. 

"Are you okay?" Eleven finally asked

"Yep. I'm fine, El."  _ Lie. _ A simple, easy lie. Maybe even a convincing one. 

Eleven didn't reply. How could Max  _ actually  _ be fine? Hell- how could she lie like she was? Shifting in her seat, now slightly uncomfortable, El looked back to the tv. If Max did want to talk, she would come to her friend to do so, right?

. . . 

Hopper had allowed for the girls to choose which microwavable meal they wanted to eat for dinner, along with letting them have some cokes. 

Dinner was somewhat awkward given the three didn't do much talking. It was silent in a way that made everything else feel far louder than it actually was. Like when one of the three would sip their pop, or when a fork would scrape against the bottom of the dinner's plastic container. Small sounds were now so much more intense- but it seemed only Max noticed this. 

Hopper was the first to get up from the table. After tossing the now-empty plastic container into the trash and setting his fork in the sink, he turned to the two girls sitting side-by-side. 

"I think I'm gonna head off to bed." Hopper said. It was still a bit early- the sun only just starting to set- but he was tired. This day had been long for all three of them. 

"I have work early in the morning tomorrow, so if you get up-" He glanced over to Max "-and I'm not here, it's because I've already left." Hopper smiled a bit, looking to Eleven now.

"El already knows where all the food is, and if you really want to, you can fix yourselves some pancakes." 

Max nodded. "Do you have any chocolate chips?" She asked, then taking a sip of her coke. 

"Yeah, in the fridge," Hopper said before turning away. "Goodnight, girls." He added with a small smile, resuming his walk to his room. 

Max stayed quiet a moment before chugging the rest of her pop, wiping her mouth with the back of her had, and then standing up. She glanced over to El for a moment, who continued a soft gaze at her. 

Max's mouth fell open, and for a quick moment, she felt the need to apologize. It was a quick sting, like a papercut, but it eventually faded. She felt like she was being bitchy not opening up to Eleven, not explaining what's eating her from the inside out. It was apparent to Max that Eleven loved and cared about her. Why wasn't that enough to comfort her, though?

Picking up her relatively empty dinner container, Max walked over to the trash can. She tossed the container in, along with her pop can. 

"I'm gonna go hop in the shower." Max said, glancing over to Eleven. 

Eleven nodded, but her lips pursed slightly. She looked like she wanted to ask something, however, Max didn't give her the chance. She walked away, stopping only to grab her bag from El's room before going into the bathroom. 

Once in the bathroom, she began to undress. She frowned as she looked at the now-naked figure in the mirror. Her skin was milky and pale, sprinkled with light freckles all around. The bruise on her cheekbone cast a dark, purple spot like the wing of a crow, but the bruises on her ribs were now beginning to yellow. 

Unease found itself comfortable in Max's stomach as she gazed at her reflection. When she was really small, she thought fourteen would be such a fantastic age. Most would think sixteen or eighteen- but to Max, fourteen was the golden age. Why did that all have to change? Why was growing up so unbearable? 

Pulling her eyes away from the mirror, Max started the shower. She held her hand under the water as it heated up, going from chillingly cold to moderately warm pretty slowly. 

While her hand was under the water, Max made a slow glance over to the bookbag in the sink. The vodka was still in there. Just thinking about it- what she had in her possession, gave her exciting energy. Alcohol probably wasn't the answer to her problems, but maybe it could help silence the questions-the the invasive questions, the brutal ones- altogether. 

Once the water was warm enough, Max stepped inside. The water was soothing, a reminder that she was  _ still there. _

Showers were always important to Max. After Neil would use her, she often would retreat into the bathroom to take a scalding hot shower. There, she would scrub with soap and a luffa her skin until it was a bright, angry red. Until she felt  _ he _ wasn't on, or in, or anywhere near her.

More often than not, her showers would end when she sat down the tub and allowed for the water to run down her skin. Sometimes she'd cry. Other times she'd want to pinch her already pained skin. And then, there was the rare time she wished she wasn't even breathing. 

. . . 

Once she had finished her shower, Max got dressed in a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt (on that had been gifted to her by her dad). She made sure to brush her teeth, comb her hair, and toss her old clothes into the small hamper in the bathroom. 

Then, she returned to El's room with her bag in hand. She found El sat on her bed reading a comic- one about Captain America. She had probably gotten the comic from Mike, or at least that's what Max thought. 

When Max entered her room, El looked up. She flashed her a small, hesitant smile. There wasn't a bed made for Max on the ground. 

"So... where do you keep the extra blankets?"

"Why?"

"I want to make a bed so I can go to sleep...?"

El shook her head. "It's okay. You can sleep with me." She said, sporting a small, kind smile. 

Max hesitated a moment, setting her bag down by the door. "Are you sure? I have no problem sleeping on the floor." 

Eleven nodded. "Positive. The bed is more than big enough." She said, then being joined by Max on said bed. 

"So..." Max glanced at the comic Eleven was holding as she crossed her legs. "What are you reading?" 

Instead of answering, Eleven handed the comic over to Max. "It's kind of...  _ confusing _ ." She said. "Maybe..." She took an uncertain breath "Maybe you could read some of it to me?" 

Max smiled just a bit. She knew Eleven wasn't confused by this comic. She just wanted her friend to read the book to her- which was fair enough considering Max often explained characters or situations to Eleven really well.

"Okay." Max finally said before situating herself on the bed so she could put her back to the wall and read. Eleven sat next to her so she could read along.

"Just start from the beginning?"

"Mm-Hmm." Eleven softly hummed. 

Max opened the comic, then beginning to read in a soft voice. It felt nice to not be so annoyed or angry- to not feel overtaken by that blue-black feeling. It felt even nicer when Eleven put her head on her shoulder, breaths growing softer and softer. It was a comfort. Eleven is a comfort. 

After only ten or so minutes of reading out loud, Eleven was completely fallen asleep. Max bit down on her bottom lip upon this realization, given she didn't want to move too quickly and awake El. 

Max moved extra carefully, reaching over to the nightstand to set the comic down and to turn the lamp off. Eleven sturred slightly from her sleep, readjusting herself to lay down under the covers with her head on a pillow. 

Max joined her in laying down, pulling the blanket up slightly so it better reached her shoulders. 

"Max?" A soft voice mumbled 

"Yeah?" An even softer voice replied

"Sleep well." 

. . . 

The morning came quietly with chirping birds and rays of sun softly shining in through the window, making the room a light and hazy. The two girls had slept comfortably back-to-back on the bed, each sleeping well through the night.

Eleven was the first to wake up, slowly sitting up and stretching. Max woke up when Eleven moved, then hearing her yawn

Rubbing her eyes, Max glanced over to Eleven, who's hair was wild and messy. 

"What time is it?" The red-head asked, combing a hand through her coppery locks 

Eleven glanced to the clock on the wall "10:46." She replied softly, voice slightly rough with sleep. 

"Already?" Max asked as she sat up "Damn..." 

"Breakfast?" El asked, beginning to climb out of bed.

"Sure. Chocolate chip pancakes sound good?" Max asked, also beginning to climb out of bed. She glanced outside, seeing an electric blue sky with incredibly large, almost impossibly white clouds floating across between the swaying leaves of the forest. 

The sky made her smile genuinely for a moment- for a very, very quick moment because it reminded her of California. 

Eleven nodded in reply, grabbing hold of a pink radio from her dresser. She made her way out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, where she turned the radio on to some song by Fleetwood Mac, a band El found herself incredibly fond of due to the specific feeling their music gave her.

Max on the other hand, who joined her in the kitchen, couldn't care less for Fleetwood Mac. Not to say she would tell El to turn the music off- it simply wasn't her style.

El hosted herself up on the counter, sitting there as Max got out a bowl, the pancake mix, the chocolate, and some milk. 

"How long is Hopper gonna be gone?" Max asked as she began adding the pancake powder to the bowl. 

"Until 4." El replied simply, beginning to swing her legs from where she sat

Max chewed her bottom lip for a moment but finally nodded. Six hours without Hopper being there didn't seem to be enough time- but maybe it would work out. 

Mixing the pancake mix with some milk, Max began whisking the soon-to-be batter with a fork. The silence between her and El wasn't as constrictive. Maybe it was because of the music playing, or maybe it was something else. 

"Max? Can I ask you something?" Eleven finally asked

"You just did." Max said playfully, sending her friend a small smile. 

Eleven looked a little flustered but smiled softly. "You're... comfortable around me, right?" 

Max stopped whisking a moment, glancing to Eleven with a frown. That question felt strange and out of place. Concerning, even. "I mean... I don't think we'd be friends if I weren't." 

Eleven glanced to the floor, then looked back to Max. She had something she wanted to say- but she couldn't find the words to properly convey her concerns. 

"Mind grabbing me the chocolate chips?" Max asked. Eleven did as asked, sliding from the counter. She went to the fridge, grabbing out a baggy filled with semi-sweet chocolate chips. She handed them to Max before leaning on the counter 

"Max... You're  _ actually _ okay, right?" El asked. This time, however, she didn't glance to the ground. She kept her gaze on Max. 

"What's up with all the questions, El?" Max asked, sending her an almost-glare. It was a look that simultaneously suggested she was over the questions and not going to answer.

Eleven didn't reply. She, instead, returned to her spot on the counter, now tapping her foot along to the beat of whatever Bob Dylan song was playing. 

Max was beginning to feel that blue-black feeling again. The feeling of melancholy, of misery. She decided then that, when she was finished cooking breakfast, that she would take a shot or two of the vodka, to test the waters before diving straight in. Maybe it would help. 

. . . 

Breakfast went by quickly, especially given Max didn't feel all that hungry. She made herself a single chocolate-chip pancake, one she ate while making Eleven her stack. 

"I'm gonna go for a walk... Do you have any bottled water I can take?" Max asked El, who was sat at the table, chewing a mouthful of surprisingly delicious pancakes.

"In the fridge-" El replied, mouth full.

Max nodded, going to the fridge and grabbing herself a water. 

"Wait-" El swallowed the rest of the food in her mouth "Where are you going?" She asked with a frown. 

"Just for a walk- to get some fresh air. You can stay here and finish eating." Max said simply as she began walking from the kitchen and to El's room.

Eleven continued to frown but didn't say another word. 

Once Max closed the bedroom door, she immediately opened the water bottle, chugging it as quickly as possible. The cold water gave her a pretty nasty headache- but it'd be worth it, right? 

When the bottle was empty, she went to her bag and fished out the bottle of vodka, fumbling slightly to get it opened. Straight room temp alcohol probably wouldn't be the best for a first-time drinker, but who ever actually had a good time their first time? 

Max's hands were shaking slightly with anticipation- with excited energy. It caused her to spill some the vodka over her bookbag and on her hands as she tried to pour it- but that wouldn't be an issue. 

Once the water bottle was all filled up, she tightened it's cap and got out some clothes to change into. She picked the still-open vodka bottle up, smelling it. It'd probably be a good idea to test it out... right? Just to make sure she can  _ actually _ handle it. 

Slowly, Max brought the bottle to her lips. She tilted her head back until she felt the alcohol hit her lips, then enter into her mouth. She quickly swallowed, wincing heavily at the incredibly unpleasant taste and the way it burnt going down her esophagus. 

" _ Fuck..."  _ She said quickly under her breath. Almost immediately, she felt a slightly warm sensation come to her cheeks. Her cracked lips still stung, and her mouth told her something wasn't right, but her mind told her she could do this... and that it would be worth it. 

She closed the bottle of vodka up, placing it into her bookbag before zipping it back up. 

She grabbed the clothes she had taken out and changed into them, sporting a pair of red shorts and a yellow shirt that read  _ 'SUNNY' _ in large, groovy orange lettering. There was a small wet spot on Max's shirt from the vodka she had spilled, but she assumed that'd probably evaporate within a few minutes. 

Picking up the water bottle, a small sigh escaped her lips. This was going to be good... or at least that's what she hoped. 

Max came out of the room to be greeted with a staring Eleven. 

"Max-"

"El, it's fine. I'm just gonna go for a little walk." Max said, sending a small smile. Eleven stood up. 

"Let me come with." She said. "I know the woods well." 

Max shook her head, walking past Eleven and to the door to put her shoes on. "No. Just stay here, it'll be fine." 

Eleven frowned slightly, then frowned heavily. What was that  _ smell _ ? She walked closer to Max, who was knelt down tying her shoes. 

"What's that smell?" Eleven asked. "You smell like...  _ Hopper _ ." She said. There were a few, relatively rare times that El had Hopper come home with a few shots in his system. It wasn't anything to be concerned by. She did, however, remember the smell associated with a tipsy Hop.

Max looked up to her, scolding. "And  _ that's _ supposed to mean?" Fuck. Max knew exactly what that was supposed to mean. She shouldn't have taken that fucking swig and she knew it 

"What did you do?" Eleven asked. There was a small bite to her voice... a bite of accusation. 

"Fuck, El- I didn't do anything." Max said, standing up. 

Eleven obviously didn't believe her, apparent by the way she crossed her arms and the  _ look _ she was giving Max. 

Max grabbed her water bottle, then turned for the door. She put her hand on the handle, pulled, and got... nothing. The door wasn't opening. 

"What the hell, Eleven!" Max said, turning quickly to glare at the girl who had a very small trickle of crimson coming from her nostril. 

"Let me leave." 

"No, Ma-"

"Let me leave."

"Max, what did you d-"

"Let me  _ fucking _ leave, Eleven!" Max finally yelled, face growing red. 

"No! What did you do?" Eleven asked, wiping her nose on the back of her hand.

"Nothing, Eleven! I didn't do a Goddamn thing!" Max shouted. Her hand grew tight around her water bottle, causing it to loudly crinkle. She turned quickly, trying again to open the door. And again, she failed. 

" _ Jesus _ , Eleven. Why won't you let me leave? I just want to go for a walk!" Max said sharply, turning and sending a glare Eleven's way. 

"Just stay here. We can watch Jem an-" 

"It was your idea for me to come here in the first place! And if you don't like your ideas, stop having them." Max replied, a biting tone of annoyance tightly woven through her voice. For a moment, she regretted her words. They sounded incredibly bitchy- which wasn't actually her intention.

"Why can't you just stay here?!" Eleven asked, finally raising her voice. She looked slightly hurt... but fuck, she did also look angry. 

Max rolled her eyes with a cold smirk pulling to her lips, one that completely lacked any humor. "This must be a fucking joke." She mumbled, again reaching for the door. She pulled on it again, still to no avail. 

"Eleven... of all people I know- I would think that  _ you _ would understand where I'm coming from. I just wanna go for a walk. That's all!" Max swallowed her anger for a moment. "Just let me out... I'll be back." She said, trying her absolute best not to yell

Eleven wiped her nose again, another streak of bright blood being revealed on her hand. She looked like a kicked puppy- eyes glossy and face pale. She hated conflict- absolutely despised it. 

"Fine." Her voice broke just slightly when she spoke- maybe from anger... or hurt? Max couldn't tell what the emotion El had displayed was, nor was she given a chance to ask. Eleven marched into her room, harshly slamming the door behind her... and that was that. Their first fight was now over with. 

After their fight, Max couldn't bear to stay in that cabin any longer, and so she left. She allowed for the screen door to loudly slam behind her, hopefully expressing to Eleven that she had no intention on staying in that cabin.

The air outside was thick with humidity, ranging in the upper 80's. It caused Max's skin to become sticky and uncomfortable- but that was the least of her worries. The forest, however, did provide comforting shade from the fireball in the sky as Max began walking. Birds sang and trees rustled in the wind, making it slightly easier to calm down from the fight Max had just had. 

God, she already regretted some of the things she had said. Bringing up the fact El lacked multiple freedoms like being able to just hang out with her friends without becoming paranoid felt overly manipulative and icky. Seeing the reaction made her feel even worse. It felt like a weak tactic to get what she wanted. It felt bratty, even.

Unscrewing the cap, Max brought the bottle to her lips. The alcohol made her cringe and her mouth burn- but it helped. Her cheeks were dusted with a rosy red, but her mind wasn't screaming as loudly. Slowly- with each sip- her roaring mind was more and more muffled. 

The vodka worked quickly to give a comfortable buzz, one that made it easier to push past the burning lips and taste of pure, undeniable death.

She was relatively unfamiliar with the terrain, which (paired with three or so shots of straight vodka) resulted in her tripping a few times.

The forest, from what she could see, was seemingly endless with its thick trees and leave-covered flooring. It was a truly gorgeous sight. The fresh air was pleasant as well, even if it was overly warm.

Being alone in the forest with a bottle full of vodka was  _ engaging _ . It woke up a part of Max's brain that reminded her that she (even if she probably wouldn't admit it) actually loved being in the woods. Although it was silent, it spoke to her in a way that could not be replicated. 

Taking a break from walking, Max was now decently far from the cabin. She sat down, back leaning up against the rough bark of a tree. And there, she felt at genuine peace. Her mind allowed itself to relax as her eyes danced across the treetops in search of songbirds

Her fingers played in tree sap, her mind beginning to slowly unravel itself. She could lose herself in the forest, soul cushioned by the murmuring creeks and swaying trees. 

But her peace didn't last very long. The regret found itself disturbing her, causing her to stand up and to keep moving. 

She didn't know where she was going, but she really didn't care. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe it was the forest causing that effect. Whatever it was, it was nice. 

After thirty or so minutes occasionally stumbling whilst walking, Max found herself on the outskirts of a somewhat small clearing. In the center of the clearing, there was a rather large pond surrounded by large, knowing-looking weeping willows and scattered cattails that swayed in the wind.

The water was fascinatingly beautiful with the reflection of the sun dancing swiftly on its surface. 

Max tongued the inside of her cheek for a moment. That water almost called to her- whispering invitingly lovely promises of cool comfort. 

What was the worst that could happen? Max had no problem getting a little wet. Plus, the pond looked clean. But... Maybe it wasn't a good idea. 

Given she lived near the Pacific growing up, she had heard horror stories of tourists drunkenly deciding to go for a swim only to get pulled under or to drown in another unimaginably frightening way. She, of course, wasn't ever told these stories directly by an adult. She did, however, ended up overhearing the news or adult conversations.

Max decided then that she would wait to go into the water. Even though she was leaning more towards drunk and less towards buzzed, she still knew it would be better if she didn't do something she might regret, because fuck, hadn't she done enough of that already today? And if something were to happen... how would they even find her?

Thinking like that made Max's stomach turn, although her stomach turning probably also had something to do with the four-ish shots she'd downed, but she wasn't about to think about that. She decided then that she would head back.

She definitely wouldn't go into the cabin and would instead just hang out in one of the chairs on the porch. Her intentions weren't to talk to Eleven- not now. The thought of doing so left a bitter taste in her mouth because it strongly suggested a conversation of apology, which wasn't something that piqued Max's interest all that much.

And so she turned herself around to begin walking back. If only she had known Mike Wheeler was at the cabin with a few choice words he intended on giving Max. If she had that information, she might've decided to stay back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowza, that's one long ass chapter haha   
> took a while to write, but i definitely enjoyed doing so :)   
> let me know your thoughts & opinions!


	12. biting annoyance

It didn't take all that long for Max to walk through the forest, even though she was moving sluggishly. She did stumble and fall a few times, but it wasn't anything too bad. She'd just have a few new bruises on her legs the next day. 

She'd slowed her drinking, mostly because she didn't want to get too fucked up. Hopper would still be coming home- so the worry of him finding out what she was going was what held her back from finishing the whole bottle. 

Soon, she spotted the cabin. A soft sigh escaped her lips as she walked up the stairs. All that walking she'd done was enough to make her work up an uncomfortable sweat, and so as soon as she finished walking up the stairs, she plopped herself down on one of the cheap, white lawn chairs. 

She took a deep breath through her nose, exhaling slowly as she set the bottle down in her lap. Being drunk felt nice. A little to warm for Max's liking, but still nice nonetheless. 

That niceness didn't last very long, though. Mike burst out of the front door, loudly enough to make Max flinch.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Mike asked loudly, face lightly red with anger. 

"Oh, please... What the hell are  _ you _ doing?" Max replied, rolling her eyes at him before feeling a small smirk pull at her lips. Something about seeing Mike so angry was slightly amusing. 

Soon enough, Eleven appeared next to Mike. To put it simply, she looked worried. 

"We found the bottle, Max." El softly stated, which earned her an incredibly cold glare from Max. 

"You went through my shit?" She asked, biting annoyance already spiking through her tone. 

"No, she didn't. I did." Mike said. "Why would you even drink that in the first place!" He yelled, as though a teenager drinking was the most barbaric thing he'd ever heard 

"Because I can, Mike!" Max yelled, grabbing the water bottle before standing up. She swayed slightly with imbalance, but that only lasted a few seconds. "When the fuck did you even get here?" 

Mike scoffed sharply as if offended by her question. "So what? I can't see my girlfriend now?" 

"Mike- Stop." Eleven mumbled softly, though her gaze was anything but soft. 

Max felt another humorless smirk pulling at her lips. "Yeah,  _ Mike _ , stop." 

Mike clenched his jaw tightly, turning to face Eleven. "Did she try to give you any?" His tone of voice was far less angry when speaking to El, but that didn't mean there wasn't still a punch.

"Oh, screw off, Mike!" Max yelled, crossing her arms tightly. "Even if I did give her any, what's it to you? She's allowed to make her own choices!" 

"Not when those choices are illegal!" Mike barked back, glaring harshly at the redhead a few feet away from him. This whole conversation (if you can really call it that) seemed absolutely idiotic. 

"Mike- Just stop... It's okay." El said softly. She looked incredibly uncomfortable just standing there.

"No, Eleven. It's not ' _ okay _ '. What she's doing is wrong." Mike didn't bother even looking over to El. He, instead, kept his dark, angry gaze tightly on Max.

Max didn't reply this time, simply opting to try and ignore him. She sat back down, arms still crossed, as she looked out into the forest. She needed to look at something that wasn't  _ him. _

"I mean, why are you even drinking in the first place?!" Mike demanded loudly. 

Max bit the inside of her cheek, her hands growing into tight fists. She couldn't just come out and say 'My stepdad raped me so I needed a distraction. Sorry, these last few days have been stressful.' 

"Because, _ Mike, _ I wanted to!" Max yelled.

"You know, you have to have some damage to be drinking  _ alcohol _ in the Chief of police's house!" Mike shouted 

"God- I'm so sorry. I am genuinely so fucking sorry I offended you." Max spat in reply, sarcasm leaking from her pores. She didn't have to explain herself to Mike. He never really liked her- and that was fine. That was just fine. 

"Max! Just... Please, stop. Both of you!" Eleven said, finally raising her voice. 

"Wait 'till Hopper hears about this." Mike said lowly, looking to the ground. 

"Tell him." Max said coldly. "Go ahead, tell him you come over while he's away. I'm sure he'd be so pleased to hear that one!" 

Mike grew quiet for a moment. There was so much tension between the three standing there- it was close to sickening. He couldn't understand why she would  _ want _ to drink. Mike never had any interest in trying alcohol- not even when his parents would offer him tiny a sip of white wine or a beer. 

Maybe he shouldn't be yelling... But maybe she shouldn't be drinking. Where the hell did she even get an entire bottle of vodka in the first place?

"Why?" Mike eventually asked. His voice wasn't accusing- wasn't asking 'what the actual fuck is wrong with you?'. It was a genuine question. "Why did you... and where did you even get it?" 

Max stayed silent for a few moments. Her gaze fell to the water bottle again on her lap, and a sigh escaped her lips.

"I got it at my house." She said simply, then standing up. Again, she was slightly uneasy on her feet, but that only lasted a few moments. She wasn't going to answer the 'why', because she wasn't even completely positive why she decided to drink. 

It probably was what Neil did to her- or maybe she just wanted to do something to herself. A change of perspective. 

"If you'd move out of the doorway, that'd be great " Max said. Both Mike and Eleven did move, but not in the way she'd prefer. They decided to go into the cabin, hinting that their conversation was yet to be over. 

Once Max was inside of the house, she set the water bottle down on the table. Both Mike and El continued to stare at her, watching her every move. 

Max  _ almost _ told them to stop staring, but she didn't go through with it. Mike had only just stopped yelling and telling him to stop staring felt like it might just result in another fight- which Max didn't feel like having. 

She walked to the cupboard, pulling out a glass to fill with water. Water sounded nice- especially right now. It was almost nauseatingly warm in the cabin, making it pretty unbearable to simply stand there.

"You still didn't answer the 'why' portion of my question." Mike said simply, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Why do people do anything?" Max asked, glancing over to him before walking to the sink. She turned it on, filling her cup with cold water. 

"Don't answer my question with a question." Mike said, reply coming off unintentionally snappy. 

"Then don't ask stupid questions." Max said simply, then bringing the glass to her lips to sip. The water made her feel better almost instantly, in a surprisingly quick way. Her reply was probably a bit unnecessary with the sassiness, but she wasn't going to apologize. 

Rarely did she ever actually apologize, and she definitely wasn't going to start while drunk.

Mike glanced down to Eleven, who looked up to him with pleading eyes that asked for him to just drop it. To stop the arguing and to stop with the questions. He bit his bottom lip a moment but silently agreed. 

"So umm... Max..." El said, looking at the redhead who was still sipping her water. "How was your walk?" 

Max  _ almost _ laughed at the awkward way she delivered her question. It was obvious she was trying to make small talk, trying to stop the silence that was so very deafening, but it came out stiff and unnatural. 

"It was fine." Max said, running a hand through her hair as she set the glass down. Their conversation felt like an act- like she was trying her best not to slur her words or not to appear drunk in any other way. 

"There's a lake deep in woods." She added. It felt a little forced to add more to her reply given she didn't feel like talking... but still, she followed through with it. 

Eleven cocked her head to the side a moment, then nodded. "Mike brought over a new comic for us to read." 

It was obvious to Max by the way he clenched his jaw that Mike didn't actually intend for it to be an 'us' thing. But he didn't correct her. Talking like this was beginning to get tiring 

"That's... nice." Max said slowly, as though her words were unsure of themselves. She didn't know what to say to that, nor did she really care to put to find the proper words. 

She glanced to the clock on the wall, seeing it was already noon. "Hopper comes back at like- 4, right?" Max asked. Her mind felt slightly fuzzy thanks to the alcohol, but the water she sipped was making that more manageable 

"Yes." Eleven softly said. 

Mike sighed as he stood there, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Wanna go get some ice cream?" Max asked with the slightest smile 

Mike's face twisted into a frown

"Are you insane?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have some ideas as to where i'll be taking this story, but please, feel free to tell me your thoughts / opinions! i'm always more than happy to hear them!


	13. mouth of darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy! i'm sorry for that little hiatus i took haha. recently, a lot of stuff has been happening in my personal life that have been making it difficult to want to write / update stories. i'm not sure if im 100% back on track when it comes to a regular upload schedule, but i promise i'm trying! i wasn't actually going to come back today, but i sorta forced myself to get some writing done.
> 
> also, i feel it may be useful to mention the fact that im also on tumblr! there, i do upload a lot more content (mostly because it's a hell of a lot easier to write a oneshot or a headcanon than it is to figure out where to believably take a story). my @ there is maddestzoomer, and you can feel free to drop by and request something if you're up to it :) anyway, that's all! feel free to give me your thoughts on this chapter, and i hope you have a super lovely day!

Max loudly scoffed, rolling her eyes. "No, Mike. I want to have fun. Am I  _ allowed _ to do that?" 

Mike chewed the inside of his cheek. "No, Max." He unintentionally mocked her tone- not enough to really say anything about, just enough to get under Max's skin. "You can't ' _ have fun' _ while you're drunk." 

"Jesus- I'm fine!" Max said. And it was true- she felt like she was alright. In her mind, she'd be able to act like a normal, sober kid. Steady enough to walk, sober enough to talk. That's all you really needed to be, right?

Eleven sighed, annoyed with the bickering. "Why can't you two be nice?" 

Both Max and Mike didn't say anything to this.

_ Nice. _

The thought of being nice didn't appeal to Max. She had been nice when she was younger- all doe-eyed and rosy cheeks. She was nice  _ before _ . But now? Niceness was fucked. A part of her wondered what Mike's explanation behind being a dick was. Maybe be was just born with it. 

Max set her glass down on the counter, running a hand through her hair. "If we went to get ice cream... It would be fine." 

Mike's jaw clenched. He was holding back from saying something- Likely something he'd regret. 

"We have ice cream." Eleven said, glancing at the fridge. 

"Yeah, but not coconut." Max said with a small raise of her eyebrow. 

Eleven sighed, walking over to her friend. "Don't be stupid." She said softly, earning a frown from Max. She'd heard this said between Hop and El a few times, but never thought she'd be told it herself. 

Maybe it was the alcohol that made it easier to just agree to not 'be stupid'. It almost felt like there was a blanket wrapped around Max's mind, one that kept her warm and comfortable, but that also made it harder to think before one speaks. 

She, deep down, knew it'd be stupid to try and get ice cream. For one, it was a few miles away, which was a lot of walking she had no intention of doing. And still remained the possibility that they'd be spotted out of the house by Hopper- which was enough to make Max's stomach twist. 

Eleven put a gentle hand on Max's shoulder, smiling softly. She could tell Max was giving up the fight she didn't have the willingness to commit to. 

The redhead glanced to Mike, seeing the tallboy frowning with slightly cold eyes. Eleven couldn't see his expression thanks to her back being turn to him, but it almost looked like jealousy? Strange... 

Max glanced to the ground, then rubbed her eye with the heel of her palm. She felt sort of tired. Decompressed. Like it would be easy to just lay down and slip into a nap. 

And then she heard the truck pull into the driveway. 

" _ Shit!" _ Mike sharply spat, seeing none other than Hopper with... Max's mom?

Eleven's hand fell from Max's shoulder as she looked to Mike, then to the door. Hop wasn't supposed to be home- not yet. 

Mike knew there was no hiding now. Qickly, he walked over to where Max and El were stationed at the counter, preparing himself for the Chief to come from his truck.

"Why's he here?" Max asked, glancing to the clock. Although it was a bit hard to see, it was obviously nowhere near 4 o'clock. 

Mike simply shrugged whilst Eleven frowned, hearing the car door close. A few moments later, she heard heavy footsteps walking up the stairs. And then, there he was, walking into the house. 

Immediately, Hopper grimaced when he spotted Mike.

"What the hell are you doing here, Mike?" Hop asked, already sounding slightly irked 

"What are you doing here? It's not four yet." Max said. Something felt wrong- or pretty damn close to it. 

Hopper stayed quiet for a few moments before removing his hat from his head. "Your mom wanted to pick you up." He said simply. 

Max smiled a bit as though he were joking... but she could tell he was being serious. She knew positively that he was being serious when she heard the door of the truck close, then footsteps, and then her mother walking through the cabin's door.

"Hi, Max." Susan greeted with a gentle (although awkward) smile and wave. 

"What are you doing here, mom?" Max asked, eyes going cold as she stared at the redhead across from her. Why did she look so off-put? Why did Hopper look so uncomfortable? Why did she feel her stomach twisting in knots?

"Well," Susan took in a shaky breath, smile quivering a bit at the ends of her lips. "I think it's time you come home." What she failed to mention was the fact she came to the police station and demanded Hopper take her to her daughter, only to have Hop explain in cryptic detail as to why he didn't think that was a good idea.

Susan still had no idea why Max didn't want to see Neil, mostly because Hopper didn't know if it was exactly his place to say what happened. So the ride to the cabin, the two adults converse about Billy and how he was let out today, about the weather and how there was storm to come tomorrow.

He was a cop, yes. But he was also a dad. The situation as a whole was binding and complex- but something told him it may be better if Max told her mother what Neil did to her. And if she couldn't, he could do it for her. 

"No." Max said blandly. 

Susan's smile fell and was replaced with a frown. "No?" She repeated. "Why not, Max? I thought you'd want to come home..."

Mike looked over to Max, a frown of his own further forming. He felt there was definitely something wrong- an unspoken dilemma Max couldn't be bothered to elaborate on.

Hopper cleared his throat, looking at Susan. The redhead looked uncomfortable and uneasy.

Max felt the tiniest bit of guilt when she saw the hurt and disappointment mixing behind her mother's eyes... But what did she expect? She wasn't going to go home with her- not while  _ he _ still lived there. 

"Honey, I'm just a bit confused." Susan confessed, flashing a small smile. "Why don't you want to come home?" 

Max's jaw tightened and her hands clenched into fists. She couldn't say she didn't want to go home because a fucking rapist was living with her. She couldn't say she didn't want to go home because simply thinking about him made bile rise and her skin burn. She couldn't say she didn't want to go home because she didn't have one.

"I want to stay here." Max mumbled. It was all she could muster. She felt tears beginning to brim her eyes, which only made her feel unimaginably worse. She couldn't even control when she  _ cried. _ She looked to the ceiling, eyes dancing around for something to focus on. She wasn't about to let anyone realize she was crying. 

Eleven noticed, though. Gently, she took Max's hand into her own, giving it a reassuring squeeze, one that promised she was there for her and that it'd be okay.

"I mean, c'mon, honey." Susan said, glancing to Hopper and then to her daughter. "I think it's time you come home. Neil will be out of the hospital soon, and we still need to clean up some."

Max sharply scoffed, running her tongue over her teeth to keep from saying something she'd regret. How fucking stupid was she? Why couldn't she realize! "I'm not going home with you, mom. I want to stay  _ here _ ." 

Susan sent an embarrassed glance to Hopper. She could only imagine what thoughts of disobedient children and bad parenting were floating through his mind. Susan's hand flew to her hair like a desperate bird, combing through it in an attempt to not get upset. 

Mike awkwardly shifted, as did Hopper. There was an underlying tension Mike simply wrote off as 'female drama', whilst Hopper knew the darker underbelly. He knew why Max didn't want to go home. 

"You know, it's really not a problem if she stays here." Hopper said, trying his best to settle the situation without adding gas to the flames. "El enjoys having some company." 

Susan looked to the man next to her with cold eyes. She looked... stormy. More than just upset, she looked like a jumbled ocean of anger and annoyance, both of which would be swallowed down and caged with a smile. 

"Fine." Susan said, icy eyes landing on her daughter. "You can stay here tonight, but when tomorrow comes, you  _ will _ be back home. We have to have a discussion as a family." 

Susan always loved throwing around the word 'family', as though saying it consistently covered the abuse with bubble-wrap and stored them in a box locked way in the deep corners of her mind. Neil didn't just hit Billy and he didn't just force himself upon Max. Oh no. It happened to Susan as well- but she just passed it off as Neil being overly emotional- because he 'really did love her'.

"Fine." Max said, a cold glare landing on her mom. There wasn't a way in hell that she'd actually be having a 'family discussion'. The thought of doing so was almost laughable. 

Susan realized she didn't have anything else to say, and so she let out a sharp exhale from her nose. "I'll see you tomorrow, honey." She said. Her gaze lingered on her daughter for a few moments before she turned on her heels, heading to the door. 

Max watched her mother walk out, hair swaying back and forth with each high headed step.

Hopper watched Susan leave with a mouth slightly ajar, slowly sighing. "I'll be back later." He said simply, glancing to Eleven, Max, and then Mike. "When I come back, you  _ better _ be gone." He stared Mike down for a few moments before snapping out of it, hearing Susan getting into his truck.

He put his hat back on, lowly sighing as he walked to the truck. This absolutely hadn't gone the way he envisioned. Behind him, he loudly closed the door.

Max's grip on El's hand loosened when she heard them beginning to pull out. "I fucking hate her." She mumbled quickly under her breath, making Mike frown. He'd never heard a kid say that about their parent, and it only raised questions that he was afraid to ask. Maybe he would ask El if she knew anything once Max was out of earshot. 

Eleven took a deep breath, her chest rising and falling dramatically. "Are you okay?" 

Max looked over to the brunette at her side, eyes again growing teary. "Nothing's okay, El." 


	14. tomorrow

Silence fell over the three for a few moments before Mike shifted his weight, hand going to the back of his neck. He wanted to ask if Max was okay. He wanted to know why she hated her mother so much. He wanted to know the real reason behind her drinking. 

On top of it all, there was a part of him that disliked the fact he worried for her. In his eyes, she still neared something of a stranger. Or... at least that's what he told himself she was.

Max kept her gaze on the ground before running a hand through her hair, exhaling deeply from her nose. "I'm sorry you had to see that..." She quietly mumbled. She didn't look at any particular person when apologizing, so it could be assumed that the amends applied to both Mike and Eleven.

"Are you hungry?" Eleven asked softly, a small smile pulling to her lips. Apology accepted. 

Max looked up now, shrugging a bit. "You've got any popsicles?" She asked, to which she received a nod. The vodka was definitely still in her system, but now it felt somewhat muted. Mixed with the heat of the cabin, Max found herself feeling uncomfortably light-headed and numb-tongued 

Eleven went to the fridge, going into the freezer to take out a single rocket pop. She sent a glance to Mike, who just put a hand up and shook his head. 

"Max..." Eleven softly said, popsicle in hand as she shut the freezer door. "You can't do this again." 

Max took a deep breath, causing her chest to rise and fall dramatically. She felt like she could use another swig from that water bottle. Taking the popsicle from El, she unwrapped it, immediately bringing it to her lips.

"I... What the hell was that even about?" Mike finally asked. Eleven sent a warning glare his way- one which told him to leave it be. But it was a bit too late for that.

"I don't know." Max said, taking a moment to observe the red, white, and blue of her popsicle. "Just some good ol' family drama." 

Referring to what Max was going through as 'family drama' felt entirely incorrect. It felt worse than a lie because, in some ways, she knew it wasn't a complete mistruth. The thought of her mom picking her up tomorrow to discuss this 'family drama' was enough to make Max want to simply stop existing. 

Max put two fingers to her temple, already feeling the first signs of a headache that was to come. 

"Look, El." Max brought tired eyes to the brunette before her. "Whatever happens tomorrow... I can't go home. Not yet." Max knew Eleven would defend her if necessary, and that simple fact was more than comforting. 

Eleven nodded, a small smile pulling at the ends of her lips. 

"Okay, great." Max popped her lips, sighing deeply. Conversations could wait until later. "My head is starting to pound, so uh... I guess I'll see you guys later." 

Making her way to El's room, Max could feel El and Mike both watching her leave. Once in the room, she closed the door before plopping herself down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling as she began sucking on her popsicle. 

In her mind, she replayed the events that led up to her finding herself in Hopper's cabin, slightly drunk with a multi-flavored popsicle between her lips. 

She knew thinking like this was relatively worthless given how little it would ever change, but still, the thought process was compelling. Thinking whilst one's head is pounding definitely isn't all jolly fun, but it's not like one can just completely stop thinking. 

Soon, her lips began growing numb and her eyelids began growing heavier. She finished off the rest of the popsicle before tossing it into the small trash can by El's bed, flipping over to her side. 

Within a few moments, she was completely asleep. Given she was no longer awake, she couldn't have possibly known the conversation both Mike and El were having in the kitchen. 

"Wait- What do you mean he ' _ hurt _ ' her?" Mike asked, frowning as he gazed at El, who made herself comfortable sitting on the counter. 

Eleven shrugged, looking down. "He's a bad guy." She said quietly. Almost as soon as Max had left the room, Mike had begun asking Eleven questions- all on what was happening with Max. Sadly, he found himself receiving answers that only raised more questions.

"How so?" Mike asked, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Eleven let a small sigh escape "You should ask her."

Mike's face twisted up some into a frown. " _ What? _ You can't just ask people what's wrong with them. It's weird." 

"Or it shows you care." Eleven said softly, a smile playing at her lips. Eleven had always been able to sense something off between Mike and Max. Almost like jealousy- though not completely there. 

Mike chewed the inside of his cheek for a few moments before running a hand down his face. "Okay. I'll ask." He said, just almost regretting his words. Hell- what if Max wasn't even comfortable enough with him to be honest about what was happening? That was a very real possibility. But a part of him did care. 

If it were El drinking vodka, he would absolutely ask if she were okay. Obviously, Max is no El, but its sometimes easier to look at things as being something they're not. 

"I'll stop by tomorrow." Mike said, walking closer to Eleven. "I'll come back with a new comic too." He then pecked her lips softly with a smile before beginning towards to door. 

"Tomorrow." Eleven repeated softly, already smiling to herself as she watched him go, closing the door behind himself.

Taking a deep breath, Eleven decided to join Max. Fishing a comic out of her nightstand, she joined the sleeping redhead in bed. Every once in a while, El would glance over to Max to make sure she was alright. 

To Eleven, it was strange just how peaceful and at ease Max looked when asleep. A part of El hoped she'd someday get to see Max looking that tranquil when awake- free of the anger and stress that so commonly consumed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well damn- im surprised to say it, but i may or may not have the end of this story already in mind :O
> 
> nothings set in stone just yet, so feel free to give me your thoughts, helpful criticisms, and / or opinions! no matter what though, i hope you have a super lovely day :)


	15. better

Max awoke to a dry mouth and an aching stomach, but she didn't move from the spot in which she'd been sleeping. Simply, she allowed herself to observe. To feel. 

From the way late-afternoon Sun streamed through the curtains, to the way she could hear the occasional flip of a page. 

The pleasant buzz that had once consumed her was now gone, and the reality of her earlier ways was beginning to be remembered. 

"I'm sorry." 

Eleven set her comic down, looking to the redhead at her side. "What?" 

"For being an asshole." Max murmured quietly. "I was being stupid." She added. She stayed put, turned on her side. It was easier to apologize when you didn't have to see the person's face. 

"Don't be." El replied in her characteristically flat and soft tone. 

"No- I am, though. I don't mean I'm sorry for today, I mean in general." Max finally sat up now, but she didn't look at Eleven. She couldn't bring herself to do so.

Eleven took Max's hand into her own, a smile on her lips. "Don't be. It's okay." 

Max almost flinched when El took her hand but managed against doing so. She allowed for her gaze to land on their hands, on how comfortable she felt around her. Still, though, she did feel like a dick for how she'd been acting. 

"What time is it?" Max softly asked, wondering how much time she'd have until Hopper showed up. He probably had some things he wanted to say to her. 

"3:43." 

Max slumped down some, realizing she had nowhere near a preferred amount of time. "Promise me something, El." 

Eleven frowned a bit but nodded nonetheless. 

"Don't tell Hopper about what happened today. I promise I won't drink again, I just-" She choked on her words, pausing a moment. "I don't need him on my tail for this." Max, in truth, didn't know if she'd actually be able to stick with her side of the promise. Especially if she had to deal with Susan tomorrow.

"Okay." Eleven replied with the smallest of smiles. "Promise." 

Max knew she didn't actually need to make Eleven promise against ratting her out. El truly was one of the greatest friends Max could ever ask for.

"So..." Max finally sighed out, bringing her light gaze to meet El's darker one. "How pissed do you think Hop will be about Mike?"

Eleven somehow managed a small, quick laugh and a smile before shrugging. 

"Well, if you want, I can say he was only here for a little bit." Max said with a small smile of her own. "If he asks, that is."

There was a part of Max that, somehow, felt better. Even though she'd done just about the opposite of detoxing, she still ended with a cleaner, sharper feeling.

It wasn't blue-black any longer. It was more red-orange. The color of sunsets and summer. Hot opposed to numb. Bright opposed to dark. Better. 

Eleven couldn't help but softly smile to herself. She could tell Max was better. She hoped it would continue like this, though. More genuine smiles and lighter, less angry conversations. 

"I'm starved." Max finally said, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. She stretched, yawning before standing up. Her head was met with lightness and dizziness, but it quickly faded once she began walking to the door.

El followed, a soft, hardly audible pitter-patter announcing each one of her steps. She'd always been one for quietly walking.

"I'm gonna make a sandwich. Want one?" Max asked, glancing over the fridge's door for a quick moment as she gathered the mayo and deli meat. Her question was answered with a small nod.

"Maybe when Hopper gets home," Max set the simple ingredients down on the counter before going to get bread "We can ask him if we can swim in that lake I found." Max knew there was no way in Hell Hopper would let her come down to the pool, so maybe the lake would be a good stand-in. 

"Okay." Eleven said with a small smile, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She wasn't all that big on water, but if it meant getting out of the house and spending time with Max, she'd gladly go along. 

Max began putting the sandwiches together, quickly but neatly. It was strange to finally feel okay. Not good, not bad, but right in the middle. Better than she'd been in months. 

Placing the sandwiches on a plate with a napkin, Max handed El her sandwich, which she took to the table to eat. Max grabbed them each a water before sitting down to join her.

Silence again fell over the two, but it wasn't uncomfortable, nor was it necessarily bad. 

The two ate their sandwiches in silence until they both heard tires on gravel, announcing the fact that Hopper was now home. A tad bit earlier than Max had expected, but that wasn't an issue. 

Soon, the two heard the car door loudly shut and heavy footsteps beginning to walk up the stairs to the porch. 

Both Max and El shared a gaze, one which caused a small quirk to pull at the end of Eleven's lip. 

Hopper hesitated a moment before loudly coming in, immediately glancing around for any signs of  _ him. _ Instead, all he spotted were two girls eating sandwiches, both sending strange, questioning gazes his way. 

Everything seemed to be fine. At least, that's the impression Hopper got. Even though Susan seemed to ruffle Max's feather's earlier today, she seemed to be okay. 

"Hey, girls." Hop finally greeted, taking his hat off and setting it down on the coat rack by the door. Both El and Max could feel he wanted to ask where Mike was, or at least when he left. But he didn't. And the fact he didn't was a tad bit awkward. 

"Hi," Max finally said. She and El shared a glance. "Umm..." Max looked down to the table, taking a moment to collect her thoughts. "When is my mom supposed to pick me up?" 

Hopper silently walked to the fridge, opening it up and grabbing himself a beer. He pulled the can's tab, allowing for it to hiss open and fill the surrounding air with the smell of cheap beer. Max turned around in her seat to hopefully get an answer, only to see Hop taking a considerably long sip.

Seven seconds later, he answered after clearing his throat. "Not any time soon."

Max's brows furrowed. "And what's that supposed to mean?" 

Hopper set the half-finished beer down on the counter. "It means I'd be putting you in danger if I let you go home tomorrow." Max's gaze hardened for a moment, then turned quizzical. 

"Neil is getting out of the hospital tomorrow," He said Neil's name in such a tone that it sounded as though it pained him to do so- like talking with a severely sore throat. "and Billy was let out early this morning." 

Hopper paused a moment, eyes drawing down to the counter where his beer sat. "I don't think you'd want to be there when those two have their little family reunion." That, to Max, went without saying. 

She turned away, now sitting properly in her seat. She could feel El's gaze- could feel her searching her face for answers. Max chewed harshly on the flesh on her inner lip, needing to take a moment to think. 

"So... When will I go home?" Calling the house she lived in ' _ home _ ', felt wrong. That place was in no way  _ home _ , but it got her point across. 

Hopper took a deep, steady breath. "To be completely honest, I'm not quite sure. When it's safe, you'll go back." 

"Yeah- Well, we both know who needs to be locked up in order for me to be safe. So why the hell can't you arrest him?" Max asked, gaze unintentionally cold as she again turned. Frigid, even. Like having the wind blow into your face when it's winter. The cold becomes almost suffocating. 

Hopper knew what he wanted to say. He knew he wanted to mention how he'd already driven her down to the station to make a statement, and that she'd literally run away. But he wasn't one for victim-blaming. 

"We can go back down to the station tomorrow and file a report." Hopper's voice was softer now, even bordering on rare optimism. 

Max shook her head, crossing her arms over her chest as she turned away from him. "No way." 

She knew her stubbornness wouldn't get her anywhere, but this wasn't her being stubborn. Her refusal to go down to the station was something else. Self-preservation, maybe. It was easier to be in this sort of limbo- adrift in the sea of horrible possibilities- than it was to be honest about what really happened. Honesty meant acceptance, and acceptance simply was not something Max could supply.

The thought of telling Susan, or Sam, or Lucas, or literally anyone else about what happened, how many times it's happened, where it's happened- The thought was more like a nightmare. The possibility of them not believing her was far more painful than the thought of Neil hurting her again. 

Eventually, after a specific level of trauma, new wounds find themselves being built on top of old scar tissue. At some point, new wounds become numb tingles. Max preferred numb tingles over vulnerability; over exposing one's self to be judged and mocked. 

Hopper closed his eyes for a few moments, taking one breath in after the other. "Max... They're gonna find out one way or another." Who ' _ they' _ was, Hop wasn't exactly sure, but he was pretty damn sure Max was doing this to prevent anyone else from finding out.

"The fuck does that mean? A-"

"Language." 

Max huffed, now standing up. The whole time this was happening, El found herself growing more and more anxious.

"Are you gonna tell my mom?" Max asked, glaring at the man in beige just a few feet before her. 

"No... But you need to. She needs to know why her husband needs to be put in jail before I can actually put him there." Hopper's tone was wavering on the gentle side, but it also held an incredibly small bite of annoyance. 

Max looked down a moment before glancing back to El, who looked genuinely sick. El fucking  _ hated  _ fights. Hated screaming and anger and general upset. Taking that into account, Max calmed down some. 

The cabin grew quiet for a few seconds- a much needed calm down. Max ran her hand through her hair, sighing softly as she sat back down. The conversation about  _ whatever the  fuck that was _ is now over. 

"I went for a walk today." Eleven softly said. A lie. A welcomed distraction. 

"Oh, really?" Hopper's gaze thinned. She knew not to go out without him... But now wasn't the time to add fire to the flame that happened to be Max Mayfield. "What'd you see?"

"A lake." Max answered. Hopper's eyebrows raised and a small smile pulled to his lips. 

"Jeez- I haven't thought about that place in decades," Hopper chuckled softly. "My cousins and I used to go swimming and fishing way back when." Hopper said fondly. 

"So... It can be swum in?" Max asked. Maybe she and El would actually be able to swim there. 

"I mean, I guess so. I thought it'd be overrun by cattails by now, but if you can manage swimming, have at it." Hopper said, then sipping his beer. 

Max and El shared a glance, a small smile pulling to both of their lips. 

"Now... You girls up for some pizza? I'm starved." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my bad for the late update haha
> 
> while i didn't have my computer, you better bet i made notes on where i wanna end this story- so like--  
> perhaps the end is near :O


	16. better beginnings

The next day came far faster than Max expected it would. One moment she was sat in bed with El's head on her shoulder whilst she read a Wonder Woman comic out loud, the next she had awoken to the sound of crackling thunder and rain tapping on windows. 

Hopper promised her- truly promise- that today would be alright. That Max might not even see her mom. Max could only hope that was the case. 

Hopper had already gone to work, and in his absence, he left a note on the fridge talking about how he expected Max and El to ' _ stay in'  _ and to ' _ not go anywhere near the lake given the lightening _ '. 

That wasn't a problem. Max could manage staying inside. 

It was the uncertainty that came with staying in that got to her. She felt like she was making progress, but the anxiety that came with her day to day felt like a setback. Even when she wasn't with  _ him, _ she couldn't help but feel he was still controlling a part of her. 

Eleven had opted to make breakfast today. Not anything insane, just some slightly-overcooked eggs in a nest, bacon (which she refused to go near whilst cooking thanks to the oil popping, so she instead opted to use her powers to flip the meat), a Honeycrisp apple, and a glass of orange juice. 

She and Max silently ate across from one another, listening to the record player sing out Loaded by The Velvet Underground. Max had been the one to put the record on given it was on of her favorite bands; likely thanks to the way the band carried the something of the same energy as the bands that played in The Endless Summer. Plus, the lyrics always struck something with her.

"Are you okay?" Eleven asked, voice monotone but still caring as she glanced across the table. 

Max answered her question with a shrug, taking hold of her glass of OJ. She was okay. At the same time, though, she was anything but. She felt like both oil and water. One part okay, one part dreadful. 

That answer wasn't good enough for Eleven, but she wasn't going to push her. She knew what would happen if she did that. 

Max glanced around the cabin a few times. How Eleven had managed to stay there for so long, she couldn't comprehend. Max had only been there a few days and she'd already felt like she was just about crawling out of her skin. Maybe that was a more-so due to personal matters, though.

Eleven finished her plate off first, hesitating a moment before saying "I'm going to shower." 

At first, Eleven stating what she was going to do in her own house was a little odd to Max. But, after reading between the lines, she realized El was telling her that so she wouldn't be uncomfortable when alone. 

Max had only nodded and looked back down to her half-eaten plate of food. Once El did disappear into the shower, Max actually found herself somewhat on edge as she looked around the house. She did some cleaning- just some dishes and counter cleaning before heading outside onto the porch. 

Just to watch. She had no real intention of going anywhere. 

Somehow, it was still rainy and grey. The smell of wet soil mixed with the smell of the forest, which was a sweetly lovely perfume. Almost as charming as the smell of salty air and warm California sun. Just almost. 

. . . 

Sooner rather than later, Hopper pulled into the driveway. He'd even come with doughnuts, which Max got a little kick out of, enough so to make her snort when she was him enter the house with the box in hand.

"So..." Max picked at some of the sprinkles on her pink doughnut, then bringing her gaze to a still-uniformed Hopper. "Why'd you come home so early? It's only 12." 

Hopper shrugged casually. "It wasn't a busy workday. I was able to come home early."  _ Lie. _

Max sucked on her teeth for a moment. Why was he lying? Did he know something she didn't? 

"Does it have something to do with my mom?" 

"No." 

"Billy?"

" _ No. _ "

Max tapped her nail on the table for a few moments. Her silence said more than enough of a sign to Hopper. She knew something was up, and her theories were only proven to be based in fairness when she heard a car pull up the gravel driveway. 

She didn't need to look and see who it was. She already knew. 

Hopper was the first to react; immediately going to the door. El didn't follow, but she did peek through the window. She saw a familiar red-head sat next to a miserable-looking man with a heavily bandaged nose. They were- from what El could tell- straight out of the hospital.

"You know you're not supposed to be here." Hopper calmly stated as Susan got out of the car, still pleasantly behind the screen door. She scoffed softly. 

"I told you yesterday I'd be coming to get Max." 

"Yeah, well, that's not going to happen." Hopper said with heavy-lidded eyes. He, in truth, looked bored with their conversation. Like he had a million better things to do. It was an act that only seemed to further piss Susan off. 

"She's  _ my _ daughter. Tell her to come outside...  _ please. _ " It looked like it took everything in Susan to add ' _ please _ ' and not ' _ asshole _ '. 

"Goodbye, Mrs. Hargrove." Hopper simply in a tired, leave-me-alone kind of tone before turning away from the door. 

Susan began marching up the stairs, heels loudly announcing each of her steps. When she reached the top step, she was meet with a red hot glare. Not from Hopper, oh no, from Max. 

Susan looked startled. She'd never seen such a look on her daughters face- at least not one directed at her. "Max." Susan flashed a small, uneasy smile. "Come on out and get in the car. It's time to go." 

Max felt Hopper standing behind her, arms crossed over his chest as he stared at the older red-head through the screen. "No, Mom." 

Susan's smile fell. Her nose flared for a moment, but she swallowed her upset. Anger wasn't very ladylike. That's what she told herself. That's what she tried, on multiple occasions, to tell to Max. 

"Honey... Neil's waiting. Let's just go home, okay? We've already had a long enough day."

"I'm not going with you." 

Susan clenched her jaw tightly. "Why not?" 

Silence. Max knew what she wanted to say. 'because the man with all the bandages on his face is a fucking rapist, Mom.'. The thought of what her moms reaction may have been to that news- to that cold, stunning truth-made her stomach twist with knots and her heart bang in the back of her throat. 

"Because, Mom..." Oh, how she wished to be invisible or to sprout wings from her shoulder blades and fly away. One could only wish. 

"' _ Because' _ what? You know, you're being so difficult, Maxine. I don't understand why you can't just come home!" Susan finally raised her voice. Enough so to earn a glance from Neil. He didn't care about what was upsetting her, but he did care if he was being talked about.

Max shifted her weight uncomfortably on her feet. She felt that anger bubbling up again- the one that made her say shit she regretted.  _ That  _ one. 

"Do you realize how selfish you're being? Instead of coming home and  _ trying _ to help out, you'd prefer to say  _ here. _ " Susan snapped

"Oh,  _ so sorry _ , Mom!" Max burst from the screen door, slamming it close behind her. With that slam, Hopper understood the message Max was trying to convey. A wordless 'stay in the house'. "I can't fucking  _ stand _ that house, okay? I hate it there!" 

Susan clenched her keys into a fist, a deep frown forming on her face. For one, she'd never heard her daughter cuss before. Secondly, she'd never seen her  _ that _ pissed. It was electric anger, something she'd never experienced before from her daughter. Her own flesh and blood. 

"Maxine-" 

"No, Mom." Max's bottom lip quivered. She felt like she could cry. At the same time, though, crying was the  _ last _ thing she wanted to do. "It's been going on for too long." She softly croaked. She sees her vision becoming blurry with tears. This isn't how she wanted it to happen-  _ fuck _ she didn't even want it to happen in the first place! 

"What?" Susan asked. Softer this time. She could see the tears in her daughter's eyes, the flustered, angry red dusting her cheeks. For the first time in a long time, she could  _ really _ tell something was wrong. That it wasn't Max just being a teenage girl. That it wasn't Max just being pissed at the world. The girl before her was hurt.

Max shook her head, tears falling from her eyes. "I'm over it, Mom. You know what I'm talking about." 

Susan's jaw fell.

Neil got out of the car. He was red-faced, obviously having struggled from getting out. He brutally slammed the door shut, causing Susan to flinch and protectively cross her arms. Hopper came from the cabin, standing behind Max with his still-crossed arms. He sent a glare Neil's way, one which told him to 'stay put and shut up'.

Susan shook her head. "I don't, Max. Just-" She reached for her daughter, gently attempting to cup her cheek only to have her hand quickly slapped away.

"You know, Mom. You've known for a while now." More vision-blurring tears now. Max hears the loud crack of thunder, and it begins to rain again.

Susan shook her head yet again. It wasn't that she didn't understand, it was that she didn't want to believe it. "He-" She choked, glancing back to Neil, who was completely crimson-faced with pure fucking  _ rage. _

"Yeah..." Max wiped her tears harshly with the heel of her palm, so roughly there was a red streak on her cheeks. It looked like she'd been slapped. "But you already knew that." 

"N-No, Max, I wasn't-" 

Neil was trying to walk to the stairs now. But he was weak. Weak, wet, and enraged. Hopper stepped forward, acting as something of a wall between the women and the gross-looking man before him. He was not about to let Neil get by. He simply wasn't. 

"How could you  _ not _ have known?!" Max yelled, fist tightly clenched. "He does it to you, too!" 

Susan shrunk back, grey eyes growing glassy with tears. "I-I..." She didn't know what to say. 

"I thought-" She hesitated, choking for a quick moment, "I thought it was o-only me." She genuinely did. It was hard for Susan to conceptualize her daughter being hurt the way she'd been hurt. The thought alone made her skin crawl. 

Max rolled her eyes, then felt guilty for doing so. She wasn't the only one hurting- and yet, she sometimes acted like she was. It made her feel stupid and immature and  _ selfish _ . God, how she hated the idea of being selfish. 

Maybe it was because her pain was more visible. She was the one with the split lip and bruised cheekbone. She was the one with the marks- the temporary tattoos that told of late nights and drunken assaults. Or... Maybe she was just the worst at covering those temporary tattoos up.

Neil had ruined all of their lives; she knew that. That didn't mean it wasn't hard to admit. Hell- Even Susan had difficulty admitting what an absolutely terrible human Neil was. Admitting she allowed such a terrible human into not only her life, but her  _ daughter's _ life as well? A horrible truth immediately met with rock-like guilt. 

"It wasn't. It never was." 

Hopper couldn't wait any longer. He walked down the stairs, grabbing Neil roughly by the shirt. Even though he hadn't gotten the green light from Max- he was going through with it anyway. 

"You're done for." He said lowly. Neil, surprisingly, didn't fight back. Maybe it was because he knew how screwed he would've been if he hit an officer. Maybe it was because he knew how screwed he was in general.

"W-Wait! What are you doing?!" Susan said as she turned, reddened eyes landing on Hopper before falling to her husband. She, deep down, didn't need this situation explained. She could clearly see what was happening. And, on top of it, she knew Neil could tell too. 

"Taking him to jail. He's a danger to society." Hopper said cooly. Although he looked calm and collected, inside, he was burning. To say he wanted to curb-stomp that fucker would be an understatement. 

Hopper began reading Neil his Miranda Warning:

' _ you have the right to remain silent'.  _

The cuffs tightened around his wrists. Hopper is sure to make them as tight as possible. So tight, in fact, that Neil softly hissed.

' _ anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law' _

Susan's hand immediately fluttered to her eyelashes. Max looked away, knowing what she was going to do. When stressed, Susan often had a habit of plucking her eyelashes until her eyes were red and raw.

It made Max want to vomit- but she fought against doing so after feeling a gentle, warm hand land on her shoulder. Eleven.

Max frowned slightly, again wiping away her tears. She didn't feel the way she thought she would seeing Neil get led to and then put in the back of the Chief of Police's truck. Nothing was turning out the way she'd expected it to.

She had that feeling in the pit of her stomach- the one she got when staring down a large hill whilst skating. Only, she wasn't at the bottom of the hill. She was at the very top; and at the very top, things were different. Air was thinner. Crispier. Harder to get into her lungs.

But she knew this opened something up she wanted no part in. The realization that now came court and testimonies and unpaid bills and- 

"It's okay." Eleven softly whispered. She then, gently, pulled Max into a hug. Max fiercely held onto her, burying her face into her neck. She wished she could stay like that forever. But of course, that wasn't possible. 

"M-Max? Honey?" Susan said softly. The woman looked shaken. Like a child took their favorite, prettiest red-haired ragdoll and gave it a world-tilting shake. 

Max didn't let go of El. She didn't even acknowledge her mother's speaking. 

She heard Hopper's truck's engine spurt to life, then begin to maneuver itself around Susan's car. 

Soon enough, Hopper and Neil were gone. What a strange fact. 

Susan took a seat in one of the lawn-chairs on the porch. She looked out to the raining forest, eyes still teary. She didn't realize just how much could change in one day. Just how drastically one's world can be tilted. 

Max pulled away from their hug, slowly. She could tell Eleven had wiped away any signs that she'd been crying- but her red button-nose gave her away.

A small, weak smile pulled to the taller girl's lips. "Can... Can you maybe give my mom and I a moment?" 

Eleven mirrored Max's smile before nodding, excusing herself to the cabin where she closed the door. 

Max swallowed down as she took a seat next to her mom. She took a deep, shaky breath before leaning back. The events of the day kept playing in her brain until her mind felt overly stretched like chewed gum. It alarmed her- just slightly- to admit that a shot of vodka sounded lovely right about then.

She could only imagine what her mom was thinking. 

Silence continued to surround both of them; thick with the humidity of a summer thunderstorm. Susan continued picking at her eyelashes until the tips of her pointer and thumb were coated in a layer of charcoal-looking mascara. Only then did she stop. Only then did she notice how uncomfortable Max looked. 

"... I am so sorry." Susan said softly. She sounded genuine. Like she realized now all the bad that had happened. It made Max bite down on her cheek until she tasted sweet, tangy iron. 

"I didn't think he'd..." She shook her head. "I should've known." 

Max frowned. Her eyes quickly landed on her mother's tear-streaked face. "Don't do that. Just don't. You... You couldn't have known." 

Susan's bottom lip quivered, and she brought her hand to her mouth, covering it. She felt like she could have known. She  _ should _ have known. How could she be so stupid to think it was only happening to her? 

Max wiped her nose on the back of her hand. She felt like she could continue crying, but she also felt like she'd cried enough these last few days. 

"He's gonna get what he deserves." Max said softly. Whether she was saying it for her mother or for herself, she wasn't exactly sure. 

Reaching over, Susan took Max's hand into her own, equally cold one. She felt as though a blanket had been lifted. Even though she and Max both shared a similar, deep hurt, she knew it would eventually be okay. Someday, when this is all a distant memory. "I know." 

Max felt her eyes grow teary again. But this time, she didn't wipe them away. She allowed for them to fall- to trail down her freckled skin and hopefully cleanse a part of her soul. 

Maybe this wasn't an end to Max's way of living. Shit happens; that's just life. Maybe,  _ just _ maybe, it was a new beginning. A better beginning.


	17. metamorphosis of the mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodness- i just wanna say i am so very sorry for how long ive disappeared. so many things have happened in my personal life recently and ive just really needed to take some time for myself. i know this chapter isn't the best or longest, but it's my attempt to make a return! :) 
> 
> i hope by sitting down and finishing this chapter, i can finally pick the ball back up for this story and start giving it more regular updates. 
> 
> also- major thank you to all the people who've left me kind words on this story <3 i'll never have the proper vocabulary to explain what each of your comments mean to me.  
> thanks for sticking around :) i hope you have a thoroughly incredible 2021!

Max doesn't look for the change of the seasons by calendar, no. She senses it through the subtle change in the way the air smelled and felt. It was easier that way for her. 

And now, thanks to the events that'd taken place over the past hour, Max feels that subtle change again. Except it's not for the seasons. The subtle change seemed to change something within Max. 

No longer was her mom the enemy. No longer was she hiding this giant secret. And hopefully, she will no longer have to deal with her piece of garbage step-dad. 

Max and Susan sat there, hand over hand, in silence for a little while. The rain still continued, perfuming the surrounding air with the smell of sweet nature and new life to come. 

They didn't need to talk, but Max still felt she had some apologizing to do. Originally, the thought of her mom sparked a fire of hate within her chest due to the fact she thought her mom had to of known about the abuse. But now, she realizes, every scoff, eye roll, or venom-laced word spoken to her mother wasn't deserved. 

But an apology couldn't come now. Max just didn't have it in her. With the realization that she should apologize, Max now felt sort of awkward holding her mom's hand there like that, but that awkward feeling was soon replaced with surprise as her mom sniffled softly before taking a deep breath, as though she were preparing to speak 

"Do you... Would you come home tonight? I just..." Susan looked to her daughter before shrugging a bit, squeezing her hand gently. "I can cook your favorite dinner tonight- and-and you can even bring your friend along-- That is, if Hopper agrees." 

What Susan didn't say was that she didn't want to be home alone tonight. Billy would probably be gone drinking or partying, Neil will be God knows where, and well, she just didn't want to be in that wreck of an empty house by herself. 

Max could see very clearly that her mom didn't want to be alone. "I'm sure he'd be fine with it." Max said softly, trying her best to say yes without actually having to say yes. Susan seemed to understand, giving Max's hand one last squeeze before pulling away. Her hand, now free, trembled slightly as she brushed a hair from her face before standing. 

"Umm, how about we get going. I'm sure we'll have some cleaning to do." She fainted a small smile as she watched Max stand, already turning so she could walk back inside to get El. Maybe she felt that change too. That hope.

As Susan watched her daughter walk inside, she felt strangely proud of her. She and Max weren't always the closest, especially given how much Max idolizes her father, but now felt different. Different from what she'd ever felt with her daughter before. Fresh and rinsed anew. Like maybe... Maybe hope wasn't the worst thing to have now. 

As soon as Max was back inside, she saw Eleven sitting with her hands folded together at the table. Her cheeks were flustered red and her honey-brown eyes were wide and glossy as she looked up to Max. It looked like the poor girl was just about begging for some good news, and so Max give her some. 

A smile. 

Small, genuine, and rare. One that took Eleven's breath away in the form of a gentle sigh, finally leaning back in her seat. 

"Wanna sleep over?" Max asked, but she knew El didn't really need asking. 

"I'll pack." Eleven said, which Max realized must've been much easier for her given her abilities- having all the things she'd need simultaneously go into the bag she wanted to pack.

Eleven sent Max a sweetly soft smile before heading to her room, leaving Max alone for the first time in what felt to be forever. Max took a moment to breathe as she looked for a pen and paper. A lot had happened today. A lot of life-changing things; things Max will never be able to go back on. That realization stung a bit- a quick, sudden pinch- as she realized things might not ever go back to normal. 

The future now was so astonishingly unpredictable. 

Things could either go well (maybe Max could get a job to help with the extra bills or maybe the money she's been saving since she was 6 years old could come into use.) or they could go terribly. Max didn't even want to imagine how bad things could get- and so she forced herself to focus on writing the letter to Hop _. _

The letter read:  _ El and I are gonna have a sleepover. Hope that's okay. If it's not, call my mom. _

She then left her mother's phone number before signing her name, adding a quick P.S. that read 'thank you for everything today'. She knew he wouldn't have a problem with it. In fact, she was pretty positive the Chief wanted to be alone tonight. 

Hell, even Max could probably benefit from being alone tonight. But she wanted El around- even if she couldn't explain exactly why. Although she'd never admit it, she thought Eleven was just great to have around. She brought with her the feeling of safety and warmness she didn't before realize existed- but now she knows that feeling is out there, she doesn't think she ever wants to be without it.

Soon, Max felt a hand on her shoulder as she stared down at the pen and paper. 

Max looked back over her shoulder slowly to see El patiently waiting with a tiny smile on her face, her bookbag over her shoulder and a sleepover bag of her own over her other shoulder.  _ Take your time, _ her eyes read, the smile on her lips only further emphasizing that message.

She wanted to say it. Those three words that scared her so much, because they meant vulnerability and heavy emotions. She wanted the words to just fall from her mouth, but something stopped her. A mix of uncertainty and insecurity. She hopes, though, that maybe she'll be lucky and maybe she'll be able to one day say those three words to her without fear of a negative reaction. 

"We should probably get going," Max said softly, and El's hand fell from her shoulder. The two of them then began to walk to the door, slowly, like they weren't in much of a rush.

The day, she realizes, is still relatively young. Which somehow seems incomprehensible to her given all the emotions she's felt, and what she feels now. How much change could she handle in one day before she broke? She wondered that very same question when her mom and dad had sat her down to tell her the two of them were getting a divorce. 

Max held the door open for Eleven as she walked through, catching eyes with Susan. She was surprised to see her mom with a cigarette dangling from between her thin, pink painted fingernails. She'd only ever seen her mom smoke a few times- only when she truly needed a come-down. 

Max was careful to lock the door behind her, breaking eye contact with her mom. Fuck, today was gonna be long. Maybe she and El could explore the woods behind her house some once they got home. She just needed to get away, and she knew her mom understood that. Plus, her mom probably wanted to be alone some too. 

. . . 

Max and Eleven sat together in the back seat together while Susan drove. The radio played faintly- Susan's attempt at lessening some of the uncomfortable tension she felt. Max wondered what El was thinking as she gazed out the window, watching the passing trees as they blurred together in a streak of general green. What she was feeling. God, Eleven is so strong. She's got to be the strongest person she knows with all she's been through. 

She admires her for that strength. And she also loves her for it. Loves just how fiercely Eleven can love still, even with all she's been through. It takes incredible strength to still allow love to grow into your heart after being burnt so many times. 

Max thinks, maybe she could do that. To turn her hurt to love.

Maybe then, she could finally admit her feelings for Eleven. 

. . . 

By the time Susan pulled into the driveway, the rain had finally cried itself out, leaving nothing more than lively-looking trees and puddles that reflected the white, sunless skies above. 

Susan parked the car, turning back to face her daughter. "What would you like for dinner? It can be anything." She said with a small smile on her lips. She really was trying to be nice. 

"Umm," Max unbuckled her seatbelt before glancing to her mom. "How about burgers?" 

Susan flashed her another smile, a more confident one, before nodding. "How about you girls go inside. Don't worry about the mess in there, I'll get it when I come back from shopping." 

Max nodded, sending her mom a small smile before opening her door to get out of the car. Eleven mirrored Max, opening her door as well. "And, before you go Max-" Her mom waited until she glanced her way again to finish what she was saying. "I love you." 

Max stopped for a moment before hopping out of the car. "I love you, too." She spoke softly, just above a whisper, but it was something. For the first time in a very, very long time, she was able to tell her mom she loved her with complete honesty. 

Their conversation ended there when Max and El simultaneously closed their doors before beginning to walk back to the house, Susan pulling out from the driveway. When they reached the front door, Max's hand ghosted over the handle for a few seconds before slowly gripping it, twisting it before stiffly pushing the door open.

She took the dreaded first step in, and her shoulders immediately tensed as though she was expecting something; subconsciously preparing herself for the worst. Eleven being right behind her did help, though. El brought with her that feeling of safety- even to a place like this; a place with such a dark history. 

The house was in better shape than what she remembered it to have been. Maybe that was because, looking back on the memory of that night, everything seemed so much more drastic. Life or death, even.

She slowly made her way to her bedroom, feet shuffling over the ground until her shoes crunched chunks of chalky, blood-stained bits of plaster. 

As expected, the hallway was a mess. Pictures lie broken with shattered glass laying about, and there's more blood than Max expected on the outside of the hole in the wall. 

Billy really did do a number on him. It was strange to think of Billy as less of an abuser and as more of a protector now. Maybe she should write him a letter... something to show she's thankful. And, maybe this could even be a new beginning for the two of them. Something positive they could both use. 

Eleven finally broke Max out of her daze as she stood there by gently shuffling past her, broom and dust-pan in hand. 

"Oh- No, El, you don't have to do that-" Max said, reaching to take the cleaning supplies from her, but El just sent her a small smile. "I want to help." She said softly, beginning to sweep some of the bits of plaster up into a pile. 

Watching her clean, for whatever reason, made Max want to cry. It made her fight so hard not to have tears come to her eyes. In all truth, Max loved Eleven so much it hurt in a way nothing's ever hurt before. 

The future, no matter what it may contain, didn't seem too scary if it meant El was there with her. 

And so she left the hallway for a moment, going into the kitchen in search of cleaning supplies for the blood on the wall. Maybe helping to clean the mess she created would help to clean something within her as well. 

**Author's Note:**

> goodness... i'm kind of nervous to post this? my intentions seriously are not to harm or offend anyone. i kinda don't know how long i will keep this posted... we shall see, i suppose. if you have anything to say about this story, please feel free to leave a comment. (if it is hate, though, please don't bother.)
> 
> anyway, i hope you have a nice day :)


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